


You Have Witchcraft In Your Lips

by ValkyrieShepard



Category: inFAMOUS: Second Son
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Guilt, Incest, M/M, Memory Loss, Sibling Incest, Smut, anxiety attack, big brother kink, brother kink, dubcon, striptease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:17:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7788169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delsin is devastated when he has to return home without his brother, who sacrificed himself to save him. When he does manage to return, he finds that he won't be as alone as he expected to be. But Reggie's memories of everything - including their relationship - are gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set right after the ending of Second Son. More tags will be added as the story progresses (to which I will make notes when they appear in the chapter).

He couldn't do this.

 

How could he possibly do this?

 

Not without-

 

"Come on, come on, come on." Delsin's fingers were shaking with the loss that threatened to wash over him at the thought of his big brother. The keys to the truck that he'd found underneath it, hidden in the same nook where Reggie had always put them if he needed to, just wouldn't fit in the lock. Not that Delsin really knew how to drive, he never needed to. Not when Reggie had still been there. His body was almost paralysed with fear, and he had to fight it with every fibre of his being.

 

"Come on!"

 

Finally the key slid into the lock and he turned it, slipping into the truck that immediately enveloped him in his brother's scent. Memories threatened to overwhelm him. Memories of happier times, of their first kiss right here in this truck, of nights cuddled close together, of Reggie giggle snorting during a funny movie. He couldn't let these memories take a hold in his heart, he had to still get home in one piece. Home. To where Betty was waiting for him - for them. To where the tribe was waiting to be saved, healed. How could he go there and tell her that Reggie wouldn't come? That the small house that they owned would now be so much emptier without him?

 

It was over. All the horror of the last few weeks was over. Augustine - defeated. Conduits would hopefully be given a better life but at what cost? Delsin had tried so, so hard to make things better, but they weren't, they could never be without Reggie. Making new friends, saving Seattle, all his accomplishments rang hollow like the hole where his heart used to be. There was a pain in his chest, in his entire body, a physical pain that could only be described as agony. It made his limbs heavy and clouded his mind. What was he going to do?

 

"Go home," he told himself, his voice shaky and at the point of completely breaking. "G-go home."

 

Except it wasn't home anymore. He had lost the last of his family, and a house without a family could never be a home.

 

Reggie was dead. Reggie. Was. Dead.

 

And his final act had been to protect him. Him. The one person in this family who actually had powers, had even bragged about how amazing he now was. His stupid mouth couldn’t ever shut up about it almost the entire time they had been in Seattle. But as Reggie had done his entire life, he'd put him first. How stupid he had been to think that it would all be okay in the end.

 

He wanted to break down, fall apart, cry his heart out until he didn't feel anymore, but Reggie's sacrifice would be for nothing if he didn't get back to his people and did what the two of them had set out to do. Gritting his teeth and fighting against the thought that every movement was impossible in his current state he turned the key in the ignition. The truck roared to life, and with very slow movements, focusing on each simple task in front of him, he managed to put the car into drive and head out towards the reservation.

 

Delsin tried to keep his mind off his brother, though it did not work for long. Not when he was finally following the straight road home, only cars and trees and the sea by his side, nothing to keep him occupied for too long. He thought about Reggie's face, about his strong arms and the way he used to hold him. He thought about the things that had been left unsaid. There were too many of those, far too many.

 

His iron grip on the steering wheel seemed to falter as he thought of them, his entire body started to shake. He was almost home but he had to pull over, barely managed it and almost got stuck in the ditch on the side of the road. But he stopped and phased through the crack in the window, found himself on his hands and knees, cold, wet grass under his fingers. His vision blurred, and only after a few moments of shaky breaths that turned into sobs did he realise that he was crying. The tears flowed freely then, as he hugged himself, rocking himself back and forth.

 

"Not- not wrong," he muttered to himself. "Wh-what we did- we're not wrong, Reg. I love you, I love you, I love you with all my heart."

 

Delsin fell forward, his head hitting the soft grass underneath him. The impact hardly registered with him, he was too busy shaking uncontrollably and crying about his dead brother. It was the ugly kind of sobbing, the one where he was gasping for breath, trying to hold on to dear life even though at the moment he couldn't see the point of it. What was the point without Reggie, without his heart and soul?

 

"Not wrong, not wrong...," he kept repeating it whenever he could, saying the phrase over and over again as if he were hoping that somehow they would make it through to his brother.

 

He knew, he'd always known that deep down Reggie felt guilty for being with him. That he felt he had coaxed him into a relationship, had subconsciously manipulated him. There was always something in his eyes that made it clear to Delsin that was how he felt, a certain distance. But still they were together, because deep down, despite all his doubts, Reggie loved him. Delsin should have told him, should have told him this every damn day to make sure that some day he would believe it. But he never had, and he didn't even know why. Shouldn't he have made sure that Reggie was as happy as he was, that he knew how much Delsin cherished him?

 

He had been a stupid, stupid boy.

 

Delsin didn't have a clue for how long he'd been lying in the grass, but no matter how miserable he felt, at one point there simply weren't any tears in him anymore. For a while he stayed like that, curled up in the dirt, just staring ahead. He let the cold seep into him, let his body become numb. Then, ever so slowly, he pushed himself up. Again, his limbs were protesting every step of the way, again his body ached, screaming for his brother. But now he had to think of the tribe, he had to help them, save them.

 

He rolled down the window of the truck, hoping that the cold air would help him focus and wouldn't let him drown in the memories of his brother that were so deeply connected with this truck. Delsin stared ahead, counted the signs that passed him by just to keep his mind occupied. He didn't care about anything else right now, he didn't care about the dirt on his jacket, didn't care that he'd lost the beanie he had owned for years now, he only cared about the tribe. That was what's important. Or that’s what he decided to repeat over and over in his mind, hoping it would help him keep it together for just a little while longer.

 

When he finally drove through the big, colourful arch that told him he was now in his tribe's reservation, his heartbeat quickened. At least this he could do, something good for his people. He was out of breath when he stopped in front of the longhouse, tripped when he got out of the car, bruising his hands as he braced himself on the gravel ground. It didn't matter, he instantly healed from such a small bruise. Leaving the door of the truck open, he started to run, but when he turned the corner of the truck's hood he stopped in his tracks.

 

Delsin couldn't feel his body anymore, there was a rushing in his ears. The world floated away and everything that was left was the man sitting on the steps leading to the longhouse. Caramel skin, dark hair, dark eyes. His flannel shirt, his jeans were torn, and he'd lost one of his boots. He looked... lost. He looked like-

 

"Reggie."

 

The man looked up at him, and he seemed completely, and utterly lost. Something had changed, something was different about his skin, about the way he looked at Delsin and yet he knew in his heart that this was his brother. He'd come back, he'd come back to him.

 

Suddenly every sensation came rushing back into his body, every muscle, every fibre of his being ached for Reggie, to move towards him. And then he did, rushing forward, one step after the other to close the small distance that was still between them. He fell to his knees right in front of him, his hands on Reggie's arms. He didn't vanish as he touched them, he felt warm just like he always used to. Warm and strong, stronger even than he remembered. He clutched at his clothes, ripped them even further but he did not care. He had thought that his life was over, that everything had come to an end, that he'd lost his heart.

 

But his heart had returned to him.

 

The world around him may have faded away, but now this little spot that was left was filled with warmth and colour. He could breathe again, he could smell the salty air coming in from the sea. And then he could feel Reggie's lips on his own as his brother leaned in to kiss him, wrapping his strong arms around him to pull him up and hold him close. Somehow he ended up in Reggie's lap, returning his kiss eagerly. All the cold, all the horror was dispelled from his body, he didn't even worry about anyone seeing them. He only held on to his brother for dear life, kissing him, tasting him until they were both out of breath and had to pull away.

 

Again tears rolled down his cheeks, but this time, they were out of happiness and relief. He hugged his brother tightly, so much that Reggie was gasping for air and so he pulled away again, grinning at him and quickly wiping away his tears.

 

"Do you know who I am?," Reggie asked.

 

He paused, tilted his head and frowned at his brother.

 

"What?"

 

"Do you know... my name, who I am?," he asked again.

 

"Of course I do, you're Reggie!" He tugged on his brother's shirt, lightly punching his broad chest. "What on earth are you on about?"

 

"I just I-" He looked so lost again as he stopped himself, the way he had first looked at Delsin on these steps. "I don't know who I am. I don't remember I just- There was water and I- and I-"

 

He flinched as if he'd been struck by someone and Delsin's heart sank.

 

"You don't remember..."

 

Reggie had just died... or had almost died. He had no idea how he could have possibly survived this, but no matter what happened, it had left its mark on his brother. He didn't remember his own name and yet-

 

"Why did you kiss me?," Delsin asked.

 

"I... I think..." Reggie trailed off, and he looked right past Delsin for a while. At the longhouse, at his truck and the sea. When he talked his sentences were short, jumbled up and hesitant. "I woke up. There was- I saw. The ocean and and- concrete. On me, around me. Your face it was there but before. And then I... Started walking. I didn't know where but I ended up here and I just sat here. Then you came. I don't remember anything except two things. This is home. And I love you."

 

Where the hole in Delsin's chest had been, his heart now returned fuller than ever before. Even in complete confusion and darkness Reggie remembered him, remembered the love he had for him. He clung to his brother, hugged him so tightly, afraid that this would all be a dream, that he could vanish at any moment. But with every second that passed, Reggie somehow felt more real.

 

But things were different now. Reggie had amnesia, and it was clear that he was still very confused. He would need a lot of help, and the skittish way he looked around right now told Delsin that he needed something calm. He looked around himself and saw that no one was around, no one had seen them kiss. And no one knew that they were back. Delsin felt guilty about it, but he decided that it would be better to get Reggie home before he went to the longhouse. The state he was in now... too many people would freak him out. Delsin knew the feeling too well.

 

"Reggie... Your name is Reggie," Delsin said, smiling gently at him. His brother was completely focused on him, the one thing he knew. "We live together. How about I take you home, and you can change, take a shower, okay? I think you need to sleep too."

 

"That... that sounds good."

 

Delsin stood and took his brother's hand, helped him to stand and steadied him when he almost fell over. Together they walked back to the truck, and he helped Reggie get into it. It was a short drive back to their little one story house, with its green wood-panelled front and black roof. He supported him again, leading him to the little front porch and despite what he expected, he didn't feel quite so lost as he entered it. Reggie was with him. He was still alive. He didn't even care how it happened, he was simply thankful that it had.

 

"This is... our home?," Reggie asked, looking around the living room as if he were seeing it for the first time. Which he probably did right now. He glanced at the kitchen corner to the left, gaped at the pictures hanging on the walls of the hallway, pictures of them being happy together, of their parents, now just strangers to him.

 

Delsin led him further down the hall to the bedroom, where he gently pushed Reggie to sit down on the hand made red-and-yellow quilt, a gift from Betty. It had traditional designs woven into it, to promise good sleep. He hoped that it would help his brother tonight, he looked so tired and devastated. He looked like he himself had felt earlier, that every movement hurt, that it took all of his energy. So Delsin helped him out of his torn clothes, tried not to marvel too much at the powerful body revealed underneath, and gave him new boxers and a simple shirt to put on. He would need a shower and food, but Delsin realised that first and foremost he would need sleep.

 

"Shh, lie down," Delsin whispered, gently pushing Reggie to do just that. He covered him with the blanket and kissed his forehead, but Reggie grabbed his wrist when he was about to leave.

 

"Where are you going?" Reggie looked alarmed, and propped himself up on his elbow, ready to stand at any moment.

 

"I'm sorry, love, but I have to do something real quick. I will be back here before you know it."

 

"Promise?"

 

"Yeah, promise." Delsin leaned down to press a soft kiss to Reggie's lips. His brother allowed him to leave then, but held him back one more time.

 

"Hey uhm..."

 

"Yes, love?"

 

"What's your name?," Reggie asked, a faint blush in his cheeks.

 

Delsin did his best not to let his smile falter, to not let it show how much the question hurt him. Reggie remembered his love for him, but not much else, not even his name. He wouldn't remember the way he used to carry him around when they were children, when Delsin had been too tired from playing outside all day. And he wouldn't remember how they first kissed, how scared they were and yet so excited. Reggie didn't recall their first time, how they explored each other's bodies, the shame momentarily forgotten. Gone were the memories of staying up all night so many years ago, talking and cuddling, doing the same way into their adult life. All of that was gone, only Delsin retained these memories. He would have to treasure them for the both of them.

 

"Delsin," he said, his voice breaking so he cleared his throat. "It's Delsin."

 

"Delsin," Reggie repeated, giving him a soft smile before he let his head fall onto the pillow. His gaze drifted off, his eyelids drooping. "Del- Delsin... Delsin..."

 

He had to practically tear himself away from this view, softly closing the door behind him. Leaning against it, he took a deep, deep breath. As good as it had felt just a while ago, he noticed that his heart was cracked. It was there, but it was cracked. Despite everything, despite the tear rolling down his cheek he had to smile. Reggie was back in their bed, somewhat whole at least.

 

Deep breath. Deep breath.

 

Pushing himself away from the door, he hesitated to glance into the empty bedroom opposite of theirs. Delsin's old room, almost unused ever since they started to share one bed. Hopefully he wouldn't have to go back there. He only did when someone was staying over, when they had to pretend that they were merely brothers. Lying had become second nature to both of them. Never walking too closely to each other, never holding hands or kissing in public. Suddenly the exhaustion came over him, almost like a punch to the gut. So much fighting, so much crying, so much devastation. But he had to keep moving, had to drive back to the longhouse and help his people. Dealing with Reggie would come after.

 

The way back seemed so much longer, and so much harder. Delsin was barely able to keep his eyes open, but he had so much work to do. And then, once he was back home, he still had to take care of Reggie… Who was at least hopefully sleeping by now. Sleep. That sounded like heaven right now.

 

He took a deep but shaky breath, his hand on the doorknob leading to where his people were lying in agony. He could do this, he had done so much more before, this would be easy, it would feel good for a change.

 

Everything was just the way he had left it… how long had it been? A week perhaps? He wasn’t even sure anymore, it could have been longer. It sure felt like it had been weeks. The longhouse was still filled with hospital beds, white partitions between them. Some people were hooked up to IVs, there were moans of pain wafting towards him here and there. He slipped out of his shoes, passing by the first few beds. He cared for them all, but there was only one person he would help first.

 

Betty was sleeping, looking so peaceful despite the shards of concrete in her foot. She didn’t deserve this, none of them did. They all stood up to Augustine, just because of him. For him. And this is what they got in return.

 

He stepped closer, put his hand gently on the shards that were sticking out and concentrated, tried to make the removal as painless as was possible. Betty wrinkled her nose as they vanished from her foot, and Delsin sat on the side of the bed next to her hip. Delsin watched as she slowly opened her eyes, and as soon as she realised who was sitting with her, she smiled.

 

“Delsin, my dear boy…,” she trailed off, her eyes going wide when she saw that her foot was completely fine. “You made it, oh you made it!”

 

She took his hand, pulling it close so the could kiss its knuckles, thanking him over and over again. Delsin just shook his head, couldn’t say anything, afraid that he would start to cry if he did. It was all just… too much. The fight, Seattle, Reggie… and now Betty looked at him as if he was still worth something. As if he hadn’t almost gotten his brother killed.

 

“I knew you’d make it,” she said, pulling him down into a proper hug. “I knew you could become something great. Where is your brother, my dear?”

 

“H-home,” he croaked. “Gonna go back soon. As soon as I’m done here.”

 

“Thank you, Delsin. Thank you.”

 

“Just taking care of family,” he whispered, earning a sweet pat on his cheek from Betty.

 

Delsin now started to make his way around the longhouse, taking care of every single person that had been affected, had been hurt because of him. No one here judged him, at least not openly. They all seemed simply relieved to not be in pain anymore, thanked him profusely for it. But with each person he healed, more of his energy was drained from his body. If he thought he had been tired before, it didn’t compare in the slightest to what he was feeling when he was finally done. On his way out it took him multiple tries to even get his damn feet in his damn shoes, though at least his exhaustion had given him an excuse not to linger for too long. There were thankfully enough helpers to get everyone home and taken care of, so he didn’t have to feel too guilty for leaving again so quickly.

 

Driving like this was probably dangerous, but his sleep deprived mind could only think of one thing: Reggie. He needed to go back, needed to feel his brother against him again, feel his warmth, take in his scent. There were a few close calls as he was driving, where he almost drifted off the road, but thankfully the way to their home wasn’t too long. He would have phased through the window had he any energy left. As it was he held himself up by the door frame, by the couch and by the wall leading to their bedroom into which he eventually stumbled.

 

Reggie stirred the instant he walked inside, opened his eyes to look at him. He gave his brother a tired little wave as he let his jacket and vest drop to the floor, slipped out of his shoes, almost tripping. But then he let himself fall onto the bed and it was the softest, most amazing sensation he had ever felt. He ended up on his side, looking into Reggie’s eyes.

 

“‘m back,” he mumbled, and a small smile curled on his brother’s face. “Sleep now.”

 

“Yeah…” Reggie himself still looked tired, but he reached out to brush a streak of hair out of Delsin’s face, and Delsin hummed at the sensation. During the last few days he had missed the comforting and casual touches so much. “Sleep, Delsin.”

 

He almost sounded like his brother again, he almost sounded as if he remembered.

 

Delsin was out in an instant, barely noticed that strong arms wrapped around him to pull him even closer. He felt safe again, and warm, something he had sorely missed during everything that had happened in such rapid succession. None of which he would have been able to do without his brother.

 

Reggie…

 

His slumber was deep, without any dreams that could disturb him. He was wrapped in a gentle darkness that kept him warm, and when the first rays of the next day’s sun shone in through the window he was slowly brought back to consciousness. His slumber had been so deep that it took him a while to get to that state, and even when he did he refused to face what lay ahead. Just for a moment longer he wanted things to be okay. Just for a moment he wanted to pretend that he wasn’t deeply affected by his actions during the past week, by Augustine and the DUP’s horrors, and wanted to pretend that Reggie was still his brother, the way he used to.

 

“Delsin?” It was but a whisper, but it made him open his eyes and glance up at Reggie. “You’re drooling.”

 

“Oh er, sorry…” He really didn’t do it often, only when he was in a deep sleep like this. So he wiped his mouth and scooched a bit away from his brother to really look at him. He still had that confused look about him, but definitely seemed less tired.

 

“Do you do that a lot?,” Reggie asked.

 

Again he felt that pang in his chest, the claw that tore at his heart, but he ignored it because he had to take this one step at a time. If he thought too far ahead he would go crazy.

 

“No, not really. I guess I was just really out of it last night.”

 

“Yeah. You were. You mumbled a little bit and you wrinkled your nose… It was really cute.”

 

Delsin had to giggle at that, he couldn’t remember Reggie ever calling him cute.

 

“I am cute,” he agreed, making Reggie chuckle as well. “Now as much as I hate to leave this bed, how about you go take a shower, and I’ll prepare us some breakfast?”

 

“Sounds good. Where uh…,” Reggie hesitated, a guilty look on his face. Delsin knew what would come next, and he tried to keep his smile steady. “Where is everything?”

 

“C’mere.”

 

He stood, and taking Reggie’s hand he showed him around their room where they gathered fresh clothes for him. At least, he noticed with satisfaction, he seemed to instinctively reach for the flannel shirts that he had always favoured. Then he guided him into the hall, explained what and where everything was as he went. Opposite them was Delsin’s old room, then next to it the bathroom, there was his favourite shampoo and toothpaste, the fluffy red towel he liked so much.

 

“You gonna be okay?,” Delsin asked softly, still holding Reggie’s hand.

 

“Yeah I think… I think I know how to take a shower,” he replied with a crooked smile.

 

“It’s okay to be afraid, Reg,” Delsin whispered, stepping closer, almost pressed entirely against him. “I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

 

“I can’t think about that now,” Reggie whispered, his fingers curling in Delsin’s shirt. “Please just… please pretend everything’s okay for a little while.”

 

Reggie looked… broken. As broken as he himself felt. But now, for the first time in his life he had to be the stronger one between the two of them. Reggie needed to lean on him now, and he had to disregard what he was feeling, had to ignore the chaos that was still swirling in his mind and heart. So he smiled, as brilliantly as he used to, and kissed his brother’s cheek.

 

“Okay. Go take a shower, when you’re done I’ll have breakfast ready.”

 

He was halfway out of the bathroom when Reggie called after him.

 

“Delsin. Thank you.”

 

He gave Reggie another smile and a nod, before he closed the bathroom door behind him. Taking a deep breath, he walked back to the kitchen, taking eggs and bacon out of the fridge with shaking hands.

 

Focus, he told himself. Just one step at a time and it would be okay, he would be able to do this. He stared hard at his movements, trying to dispel every other thought from his mind. He neatly placed the bacon strips next to each other on a chopping board, then started to crack a few eggs into a bowl to mix them with spices and cheese, adding some ham. It’s how he had always made the eggs for his brother, hearty and filling, so his big, strong brother would have enough energy for his work day.

 

Work. Reggie was a cop… used to be a cop. How could he possibly keep working like this? They wouldn’t let him use a gun, or put him on patrol. He couldn’t even do a desk job because he didn’t remember any of the regulations. Both of them relied on his job so much. How would they pay rent, get food, how would they do anything?

 

Delsin had always thought that he had time. Time to get his act together, to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He even thought that maybe one day he could be a real artist, to earn a living that way. For that to happen he would need someone to support him, as Reggie had always been willing to do. But now… The reality of the responsibility now on his shoulders came crashing down on him hard and his knees buckled. Just before he sank down on the kitchen floor he managed to turn off the stove and push the pan with the cooked eggs and bacon away from it.

 

He was shaking again, his entire body out of his control. The shower was still going, and he begged to any higher powers that over the water Reggie wouldn’t hear him sob. He let himself have this moment of weakness, breaking down completely just for a little while. He let everything wash over him, the fear of what was to come, the horror that lay behind him. It was all jumbled together in his head and only after he had stopped crying and shaking he noticed that he had pulled out some of his hair. He would have broken down all over again hadn’t he noticed just in that moment that the water had stopped.

 

Delsin stood, rushing to get rid of the evidence from his breakdown. The hair vanished in the trash, and he splashed some cold water into his face to hopefully mask that he had been crying. He turned away from Reggie when he heard him coming down the hall, concentrating instead on heating up the eggs again.

 

“Smells good,” Reggie said, and Delsin heard a chair move, his brother sitting down. “I’m starving.”

 

He made a noncommittal sound in reply, and put a few slices of toast into the toaster, concentrating hard not to let his hand shake again. Reggie was here, things would be okay. He was alive and that was the only thing that mattered. Taking a few deep breaths as he prepared two plates of food, he calmed himself down. Somewhat at least.

 

Delsin smiled as he walked towards his brother, setting the plates onto the small green table where they had spent so much time, had so many meals together. They’d made love on that table too… had played games and laughed with friends. This entire house was filled with memories that had simply vanished from his brother’s mind.

 

Not trusting his voice, Delsin just nodded to Reggie before sitting down as well. He didn’t feel hungry, all he could do was push one bit of scrambled egg from one end of the plate to the other. Reggie was eating at least, although slowly. Perhaps his stomach was as upset as his own, perhaps he was trying just as hard to pretend that he wasn’t falling apart right now.

 

In the silence that settled between them Delsin reached out over the table to take his brother’s hand and squeezed.

 

Reggie squeezed back.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barely a day has passed since Reggie returned to Delsin, his memories gone, when the reality of it comes crushing down on him. But as Delsin tries to find a piece of happiness in all of this, he does something unforgivable.

Delsin’s breakfast was forgotten on the table, uneaten. Together with his brother he was now sitting on the couch. They had been silent throughout the entire meal, neither daring to speak, just holding hands. For Delsin it was because he was scared that he would break down again, and he couldn’t do that to Reggie. Not when he needed him. Slowly but surely they were inching closer to each other, and it wasn’t just him. Reggie himself wanted the closeness it seemed, and that at least gave him a little bit of relief.

 

“Reggie? Can I ask you something?,” Delsin said softly, holding his brother’s hands.

 

“Sure. I’ll answer as much as I can.”

 

“You don’t have to but… what do you remember? You said something about water- the ocean? I just… Reggie I saw you fall. I thought you were dead. What happened?”

 

Reggie at least didn’t look like he wanted to kill him for asking this. He looked sad for a moment, and then thoughtful. Delsin squeezed his hands again, and left him to try and piece together what few memories there still were in his mind. He felt so guilty… Guilty for not jumping after him, for not looking for him after he had taken care of Augustine. There just didn’t seem a way for him to still be alive… It had felt like the end. And yet here he was. His Reggie, most of his Reggie was here. The only thing… his skin did feel a little different. Stronger somehow, more durable. It was an odd observation to make but he had seen Conduits with much weirder powers-

 

He startled himself with that thought, but tried to not make it seem too obvious to Reggie who was still thinking and searching for the right words. A Conduit… It would explain why Augustine’s powers hadn’t killed him, and how he could have freed himself from the concrete that had enveloped him. Maybe he was stronger now, his skin more durable. He simply couldn’t imagine Reggie with flashy powers like Fetch’s, he was always calm and quiet, collected. Delsin had always been able to rely on him.

 

“I…,” Reggie started, his sentence trailing off again. He spoke quietly, and was still frowning. “I did see your face, as I fell. I don’t think I will ever forget that. You looked… like you were the one about to die.”

 

He paused and squeezed Delsin’s hand, a gesture that was so comforting.

 

“That’s what it felt like,” Delsin gasped, and again they were inching closer together. He was now halfway in Reggie’s lap, legs draped over his.

 

“After that… there was darkness for a long time,” his brother continued. “Then I think I was in the ocean, it was pure instinct after that, I can only make sense of it now. I just- I swam on instinct, and I ran on instinct as well. I- The way here is just a blur now. I know that it happened, that I walked but I couldn’t tell you how I got here. Everything before seeing your face… it’s just blank it’s-”

 

“Shh, shh,” Delsin whispered, cupping Reggie’s cheek and finally properly sitting in his lap.

 

His brother was eager to be in his embrace, and Delsin rubbed his back, trying to comfort him just as he had done so many times for Delsin. How horrible this must be for his brother, how terrifying to have every memory erased from his mind, for there to be just darkness. He wondered whether it hurt physically as well as mentally, whether his head was plaguing him. Delsin had no idea whether something like this could be fixed, but if he could give his brother a tiny sliver of hope, he would try.

 

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here, I’m here,” he said quietly, feeling his big brother shaking underneath him. So he just held him tighter, whispered sweet nothings into his ear to try and calm him down.

 

His own mind, however, started to race. They would need a plan, they would need to figure out what to do next. Should he bring him to the hospital? The thought hadn’t even occurred to him before, he had just been so desperate to get the day over with and be in his brother’s arms again. Then there was Reggie’s job… He wouldn’t be able to go back, most likely, but surely there would be some sort of pension for him? Even the smallest amount of money would help, they had to pay for food, for electricity. Reggie had always taken care of that, Delsin had no clue how. Where would he send the money? What was their account number? His eyes were wide as he thought about these things, staring ahead at the wall. He had stopped rubbing Reggie’s back, and he noticed that his brother had stopped shaking too.

 

“Delsin, are you okay?”

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the question, his worries momentarily forgotten. He leaned back a little, so he could look at his brother again, gently tracing the side of his face.

 

“You lost your memory, and you’re asking me whether I am okay?”

 

“Well… It’s hard on you too, isn’t it? And you… What happened before?,” Reggie asked.

 

Right. He had forgotten about the whole Conduit thing as well. There was no hurry for anything, Betty would surely understand if they stayed away for a while. So he made them both some hot chocolate and recounted the events of the past week or so. How he’d gotten his powers, how that was considered a bad thing for most people, but that Reggie had eventually warmed up the the idea. He told him about Augustine, about Fetch and Eugene, right up to the point where he’d defeated her and gotten her arrested. Reggie clung to his every word, never looking away, only to take a sip of his drink. In the end he stared at him, smiled - he looked proud.

 

“You’re incredible, Delsin.”

 

“I couldn’t have done it without you, seriously. You were amazing too and when you fell-,” he had to stop himself mid-sentence. He couldn’t think about how miserable he’d felt when he thought that his brother was forever gone. “It- It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re back. Maybe we can figure out how one day but now… I think we need something like a plan.”

 

“A plan?”

 

“Yes I think… I think we should go to the hospital first,” Delsin said, sure of himself all of a sudden. “They can like… certify that you lost your memory or something like that. And then we can go to your job - you are- you were a cop, and they… Surely they’ll give us... Money, a pension, I don’t know. We’ll figure it out when we’re there. And I think then we need to go grocery shopping. There’s nothing edible left in the fridge we were gone for too long…”

 

“You’ll be there, right?,” Reggie suddenly blurted out, looking so small and vulnerable.

 

“Yes! Yes of course, every step of the way,” he promised, giving his brother another quick hug to reassure him.

 

“It’s so… everything is so jumbled in my head,” Reggie gasped, his fingers curling in Delsin’s shirt. “I… I know that I love you, that I trust you, but I couldn’t even remember your name, I don’t even know you. I’m so so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

 

It was true, he didn’t. Reggie didn’t know anything about him anymore. Not his favourite dish or how he liked to be held when they were in bed together. None of it remained. Only his love for him. It should have made him feel better, the thought being oddly romantic. But so much had been lost between them, and what if Reggie decided that when he got to know him again he didn’t want him anymore? Another thought put a deeper fear into his mind: Reggie did not know they were brothers. They had kissed and cuddled, so far nothing more had happened, but he had also with no word mentioned that they were related. Reggie, of course, had forgotten, like he’d forgotten everything. Delsin doubted that there was some inherent feeling within him, something that he would retain, that would tell him they were related. That was not how it worked. But even before alls his memories had been erased, Reggie had had so many doubts, and now- what if he decided it wasn’t worth it, that they were disgusting?

 

Delsin’s momentary panic was washed away when Reggie looked at him helplessly. He covered his brother’s hand with his own and gave him what he hoped was a convincing smile.

 

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised, and suddenly Reggie was hugging him again, crying silently.

 

“You’re all I have, Delsin. Thank you. Thank you.”

 

He felt even guiltier now, holding his brother again like this. He was so lost and innocent, he needed someone to take care of him and what was Delsin doing - lying to him. Every second that passed he was lying to him. But he also couldn’t deny that deep down, it felt good when Reggie looked at him and there was no guilt or shame in his eyes. He was lost, yes, but he trusted Delsin completely - he loved him. In Reggie’s mind, it was that simple right now. Yet he knew that he would need to tell his brother about them eventually, there was no way past it. But they had a very long day ahead of them, and Reggie would need his full support. If he told him now, things might already fall apart, Delsin would fall apart. So he let Reggie cry himself out, helped him dress and drove him to the hospital.

 

It was clear that Reggie was scared and overwhelmed, but he did his best to keep it together, mostly by clinging to Delsin’s hand as they waited. The waiting was agony. Despite Delsin needing to fill out a ton of forms, half of which he didn’t even understand or know how to answer, a lot of waiting was involved. Most of it they spent in silence, after Delsin made the mistake of asking his brother for information they needed, to which his brother looked even sadder than he had before. After a while of not saying anything to each other, Reggie suddenly started asking questions. Simple things, to get to know Delsin better, but none about himself. Delsin figured that hearing who he used to be would not help, it would only remind him of what he had lost. So he indulged his brother, told him everything he wanted to know. His favourite dish - tacos. His favourite colour - red. His favourite season - autumn. He asked him about so many tiny things that might not seem important to anyone, but to someone who had nothing, they were worth more than gold. Delsin gave him as much as he could, told him everything but their relation to each other - lying about it was, after all, second nature to him.

 

While he filled out his forms and talked to his brother he was careful to try and hide from Reggie that they both had the last name, but he also wasn’t sure if he succeeded. Reggie was all over the place, and immediately sprang up when they were called to see the doctor. They were still holding hands when he asked him all kinds of questions, the things that he remembered, the things he didn’t. Reggie knew how to take a shower, how to talk and eat, but he couldn’t say who was the current president, or what date it was today. Then… then there were the tests. Delsin dreaded those. Reggie was already under so much stress, he didn’t want doctors prodding at him. But they also needed the money, and for that they would need something from an official doctor. When they tried to take his brother’s blood though, the needle broke against his skin. The doctor muttered something, and got another, but needle after needle just kept breaking.

 

“You… are a Conduit, yes?,” the doctor directed the question at Delsin.

 

“I… yes I am.”

 

“It’s possible that close proximity could have triggered a… mutation,” the doctor finished. “It would explain how you survived, Mr. Rowe. But to be quite frank we don’t know much about how all this works. We will make a few other tests to make sure there are no internal injuries.”

 

Delsin hated that they had to put him through this, but in the end it would be better knowing that physically, everything was fine. Still he couldn’t help but hug himself when they put him into the huge tube to make an MRI. He couldn’t be with Reggie in there, and he knew his brother wasn’t a big fan of tight spaces. If only he could hold his hand and speak to him, if only he could do anything that wasn’t just standing and watching. Delsin was startled when the technician actually allowed him to talk to Reggie via the intercom.

 

“I uh… hi Reggie,” he said, feeling damn awkward doing this. All he could see where his brother’s legs sticking out of that huge thing. “It… it’s going to be okay. It won’t take much longer and after- after I’ll take you out for ice cream, okay?”

 

He kept talking to him gently, kept saying unimportant things just to keep Reggie’s mind off the loud noises coming from the machine, or the tightness of it. When his brother was finally released from this… this thing, he thanked him with a tight hug. The MRI wasn’t all of it though, there were X-Rays, a CAT scan, and so many other things they could do without actually breaking his skin. It took almost the entire day before they finally got a proper diagnosis. It wasn’t one that surprised them.

 

There would be no simple way to get Reggie’s memories back, if they would return at all. It would need time, Reggie would need to see a therapist, although Delsin could tell that the prospect scared him. They got what they came for though, incredible amounts of paperwork to be filled out, to be sent to Reggie’s work, their insurance company, and who knew what else. He wasn’t able to figure it out at the hospital, he’d need a lot more time, and perhaps Betty’s help. Anyone’s help. He had no idea what his or Reggie’s social security number was, or even how to find out.

 

Both collapsed onto the couch at their home in the late afternoon. The piles of paperwork were sitting on the coffee table, and Delsin growled at them, then stuck out his tongue. Why couldn’t this be easier? They had enough to worry about as it was. He turned to look at Reggie, who… was smiling at him.

 

“Reg?”

 

“Thank you,” he said, reaching for his hand again. “I… I know that I’m not the Reggie that you fell in love with anymore. You don’t have to do this but… You do. Thank you.”

 

“You are,” he insisted. “It doesn’t matter what happened, or how you changed. You’ll always be the Reggie that I love. Always.”

 

“Del-.” He couldn’t be sure whether Reggie’s voice simply broke at his confession, or whether he remembered the nickname he used to call him. Either way they both leaned in for a kiss, a kiss that became deeper and more desperate by the moment. He felt Reggie’s hand on his thigh, slowly sliding up, eventually coming to cup his ass. “I- I want to be with you tonight. Please, I want to touch you, explore you. I want to know you again.”

 

Delsin hesitated for a moment. He shouldn’t, not without telling Reggie that they were related. But his kisses felt so good, hot and passionate, even more exhilarating than they had been before. Maybe it was because Reggie had changed, maybe it was the simple fact that he thought his brother had been gone forever. And the way he looked at him… this raw desire, passion, the need to be close with him and most importantly there was nothing in Reggie’s eyes that betrayed how he truly felt deep inside. Because now there was nothing else, only love. Delsin took his brother’s hand and kissed its knuckles, before he stood and led him back to the bedroom.

 

Every thought was dispelled from his mind when they were standing at the foot of the bed, looking into each other’s eyes. Reggie’s were a deep brown, like his own, so warm and comforting. He reached up to trace his brother’s lips, smiling softly when he did the same. His own were a bit fuller than his brothers, a fact that Reggie had complimented many times. When he did the same that moment, Delsin’s smile grew wider. They took turns undressing each other, exchanging sweet kisses and touches until they were completely naked, still standing. Reggie gasped softly at the sight of him, lips parted, looking at him as if he couldn’t believe his luck. It made Delsin blush. He never blushed.

 

“You are… you are so, so beautiful,” Reggie said, stepping closer and cupping his cheeks ever so gently. Delsin tilted his head for another kiss, could feel his brother’s warmth against his body and he couldn’t hold back anymore, wrapped his arms around Reggie to press them against each other.

 

Oh he had missed this body, missed how large he was, how warm and strong against him. Even stronger now, he noticed as he ran his hands over his back, felt the muscles there that were just a little bit different than they had been before. Then suddenly- he felt Reggie’s big hands on his waist, and he felt himself being lifted. He had to giggle as he looked down at his brother, his hair falling into his face. Every so gently, Reggie sat him down on the bed, smiling as well. He leaned back, propped himself up by his elbows and spread his legs just a little bit, presenting himself for Reggie. His breath was coming faster now, he was half hard already and suddenly… he was nervous. It felt like their first time all over again, in the same bed, Reggie standing in the same spot, slowly crawling towards him.

 

“Hi,” Reggie whispered when he was pressed to his side, smiling shyly.

 

“Hi…,” Delsin echoed, eagerly tilting his head up for another kiss.

 

“Do you like it when I kiss your neck?,” his brother asked, tracing the spot ever so lightly with his fingers.

 

“Why don’t you try and find out?”

 

Delsin was smirking, this felt better, this almost felt like it used to. Reggie returned his smile, kissed his lips again, then his cheek and jaw. He sighed happily when his brother moved lower, peppering hot kisses as he went. Delsin did like when he kissed his neck, oh he loved it so very much, and he showed it when his brother came to just the right spot, his most sensitive spot that drove him crazy when he kissed and nipped him there. He moaned, softly at first, then louder when Reggie started sucking on that spot, just trying it out at first but really getting into it when he felt Delsin’s reaction against his hip.

 

“You sound amazing,” Reggie all but moaned in his ear, reaching down to wrap his hand around his cock, stroking him softly.

 

He gave him more moans, he didn’t have to act, never did with Reggie, who always managed to set his body on fire. For a moment he was worried that it might actually happen, that he might lose control of his powers while they were making love, but then his brother resumed his trail of kisses, over his chest, down to one nipple. Reggie wrapped his lips around it, and started sucking again. Delsin had to gasp, his fingers coming to curl in Reggie’s hair, tugging a bit.

 

“Not good?,” his brother asked, stopping for a moment.

 

“No, no, so good, please please keep going,” he begged. “Sorry about the hair!”

 

“No…,” Reggie smirked at him. “That’s fine, go ahead.”

 

Delsin was getting harder the longer his brother took care of his nipples, sucking on them, licking over them, his hand caressing his side and his inner thigh. Then he felt a gentle finger circling his entrance, just teasing him, nothing more. The touch was so light it was driving him crazy, made him moan and tug on his brother’s hair again. He could barely gather enough of his cognitive capacities to tell Reggie where the lube was, and though he got it, he didn’t immediately use it. Reggie kissed his way down Delsin’s belly, dipped his tongue into his bellybutton, making him gasp again. When he looked down Reggie just seemed so… happy. Almost carefree, as if he hadn’t lost his memory, as if they weren’t brothers.

 

They shared this moment, shared their smiles, just gazing into each other’s eyes. It felt like things would be okay. Somehow they would.

 

Reggie now started to kiss his inner thigh, nipping the sensitive skin there. Oh he had quickly realised that Delsin loved these little nips, though he had been so rarely able to convince Reggie that it was okay to do them. His big brother had always been so scared of hurting him, but now it seemed that wasn’t the first thing on his mind. Not that these little nips hurt him, they were simply exhilarating and made Delsin twist the sheets underneath him. He felt a heat rising within him, waves of it rolling over him as he suddenly felt Reggie’s tongue against his entrance. Teasing at first, then dipping into him, his big, strong hands grasping his thighs to push them up so he would have better access.

 

“Oh Reg, Reggie, oh, ohhh,” he moaned, the heat inside him almost overwhelming.

 

He felt himself losing control, he felt his powers scrambling to the surface, smelled the smoke wafting from him. He tried to hold back, he really did but Reggie never stopped, kept kissing and licking him until he was completely relaxed. And then his fingers joined, and Delsin couldn’t stop, let his moans tumble freely from his lips, a neon beam burning into the ceiling as he whimpered. The way Reggie teased him, spread him wide and searched for his sweet spot was different than before, but it was so much more exciting. Maybe his body had changed along with his powers, maybe it was just Reggie who was different now, or maybe it was the glorious combination of them both, two Conduits making love for the first time.

 

Somehow he just knew. Reggie was a Conduit, just like him.

 

For a brief moment he wondered what exactly his brother’s powers were, but then Reggie came up again, kissing him until he was breathless. He could feel Reggie’s big cock teasing his entrance, the cock that he loved so much that he would worship if his brother would let him.

 

“Please, please, please Reggie, please stick it in me,” he begged, cupping his brother’s cheeks. “Oh I missed your cock so much…”

 

Reggie leaned down to kiss his forehead, the gesture so sweet and innocent it made his breath hitch. His gasp turned into a moan when his brother pushed into him, the pace slow and steady. He let Delsin adjust to him, always making sure that he was okay before he pushed deeper. Until he was buried all the way inside him, and Delsin looked down to where their bodies were one. He could never get enough of this sight, of this feeling of his brother in him. He scrambled to quickly reach for his phone on the dresser.

 

“Take a picture,” he blurted out, and Reggie chuckled, the vibration washing over Delsin as well.

 

“Okay.”

 

He was grinning as he took the phone, leaned back a little to take the picture before he showed it to Delsin, who moaned at the sight.

 

“You’re perfect, Reggie…,” he trailed off, gazing up at his brother who was still holding the phone, pointing it to where his cock was buried inside him. There was a beep, and then his brother started to roll his hips.

 

“Oh, ohhh,” he moaned, unable to look away.

 

Reggie was recording how he was fucking him, pulling out just a little bit before finding his sweet spot again. He then tilted the camera up, focusing on his face, and oh Delsin could and would give him a show. He arched for him, moaned for him, bit down on one finger, still playing with the camera. Reggie switched between his face and to where he was pushing into him, but he barely managed more than five minutes before he tossed the phone away, let it continue record, neither cared. He leaned down to kiss Delsin again, kissing him until he moaned against his lips while he picked up the pace, thrusting into him. This was perfect, this was absolutely perfect. He was so aroused, Reggie kept hitting his sweet spot, his own cock leaking over his belly. He was so damn close, felt his approaching orgasm, the heat that spread through his entire body. He found himself suddenly begging his brother to speed up, to make him come just please please make him come. Then a hand was wrapping itself around his cock, stroking him in time with Reggie’s thrusts.

 

It was enough to send him over the edge, his vision blurring as he let his orgasm wash over him. He hadn’t even noticed he had wrapped his legs around his brother, wouldn’t let him pull away too much. When he did, he pulled Reggie down.

 

“Come inside me,” he whispered. “Keep going, keep going.”

 

He was overstimulated now, but deliciously so. Feeling Reggie’s cock inside him was even more intense now, threatening to overwhelm him. But Reggie cradled him close, kept his thrusts shallow and gentle, so very gentle. Not much longer and he stilled, moaning into Delsin’s ear, thrusting just once, twice. He let his hands wander up and down that lovely back, kissed his brother’s shoulder, anywhere he could reach.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, and felt Reggie kiss his neck again.

 

“I love you too…”

 

It was late now, they were both tired and in love, so they decided to stay in bed after taking a quick shower. Lying side by side, they were still exploring each other all over again. Reggie tracing his lips, his jaw, his entire body. Delsin loved to watch him like this, to feel his featherlight touch. Reggie committed all of this to memory, he would remember every line and every reaction to his touches. He seemed so innocent, so happy.

 

He had to swallow his words, his confession. He wanted to be happy for a little while longer, just tonight. Wanted to fall asleep next to the love of his life, wanted to drink in the way he looked at him now. Trusting, loving. All of what Reggie was feeling was good, was perfect. It would be just for tonight.

 

Sleep eluded him that night. He was on his side, Reggie wrapped around him, his strong body protecting him. But Delsin’s mind was racing into the early morning hours, racing with the horrible thing he had just done. There was no excuse for this, he had simply been selfish. When he told him, and he knew he would tell him soon, what would Reggie do? He might leave him, forever. The thought widened the crack in his heart, threatening to break it completely. He froze when he felt Reggie stir behind him, his heart in his throat.

 

The rays of the early morning sun shone into their bedroom, but Delsin didn’t feel their warmth. Right now his body was ice, his heart was ice, everything felt cold and hard and wrong. He didn’t want this day to become reality, he would have sacrificed everything for things to stay as they were right now. This little bubble of happiness that they’d had, despite the hardship in it, he wanted it back.

 

“Delsin?”

 

How did he always know when something was wrong? Delsin would have smiled if he weren’t about to reveal how horrible he had been to his brother. He slowly sat up, reaching for his underwear and one of Reggie’s shirts. They still made him feel somewhat safe.

 

“I have a confession to make,” he said, his voice croaky.

 

“What is it? Delsin?” Reggie reached for his hand, but Delsin pulled it away again, turning to face his brother. Tears were forming in his eyes, and Reggie sat up as well, looking alarmed. “You’re-”

 

“I’m your brother,” he interrupted. Then silence settled between them. It stretched out for what felt like an eternity, during which Reggie simply stared at him, apparently unable to believe what he had just said. “I am- I am so sorry I just-”

 

“How dare you?” Now it was his turn to be interrupted. Reggie looked down for a moment, and when their eyes met again his gaze was cold. “Why would you do this to me? I lost my- I lost my memory, Delsin!”

 

“I’m sorry!,” he repeated, the tears now flowing freely. “We were together before, we were! It was tough but we love each other, we really do! Just… Just this once I wanted to be with you without seeing the guilt in your eyes, or the shame. Just once, Reg.”

 

“So you did this… you did this to make yourself feel better?” If only Reggie were shouting at him, if only he were working himself into a rage, then maybe this wouldn’t be so scary. But he was calm, collected. He was Reggie.

 

“No I just… yes maybe but… But we love each other, you remember!”

 

“No I don’t!,” now he was shouting, but he took a deep breath to calm himself again. “I thought… I thought we were married. Because we have the same last name. I… I honestly wanted to be your husband so badly.”

 

“Reggie-” Delsin watched as Reggie got out of bed and dressed himself, and he followed, trying to touch him, to hold him back. But Reggie evaded his touches, and once he was properly dressed, he rushed towards the door. “Reggie please! Please stay you can’t- you’ll get hurt something’s going to happen I need you to stay!”

 

“Don’t touch me,” Reggie’s voice was ice again as he pulled away from Delsin’s grasp. “Don’t touch me again.”

 

Delsin froze in place, right in the middle of their living room. His feet wouldn’t move anymore, suddenly his body just didn’t obey his brain’s commands. He had to go after Reggie, he had to stop him from leaving. He would get hurt, or lost, he wouldn’t remember the way home! And he had to fix this, they loved each other, didn’t they? Reggie said it himself, he would just need to come over this shock. But none of these thoughts made their way past the confines of his brain as he watched Reggie walk through that door, he was unable to do anything when it slammed shut.

 

All he did was collapse, curl up on the floor and cry.

 

His heart was gone. Again. And it was his fault. Again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delsin has to find his brother and somehow simultaneously deal with the reality of their situation, but he gets unexpected help from a friend.

What he wouldn’t give to feel numb, what he wouldn’t give to feel nothing at all.

 

Delsin was curled up on the living room floor, clutching himself and trying to ignore the hole in his chest. But it hurt, it hurt worse than anything he’d felt before thinking that Reggie might never come back to him. And that because of something he did, because he lied to him, because he was a selfish bastard. How could he have possibly thought that this would go smoothly? Who in their right mind would thinking sleeping with their brother was a good thing?

 

Was he wrong after all? Was he twisted, fucked up?

 

The answer was yes, wasn’t it?

 

He couldn’t even tell anymore that he was shaking and crying, his mind was racing. He had no idea what to do anymore, he was so damn worried that his brother would get lost and hurt himself, perhaps his amnesia would act up - it could happen. The doctor had warned them, he would need rest, and instead Delsin had fucked him and drove him out of their home. He had to find him but his body refused to move, he wasn’t even able to reach for his phone that- It was still in the bedroom and Delsin wasn’t sure he could ever go back there. For a long time he just lay there, crying, like he’d been doing for what felt like the past few days. First Reggie was gone, then he was back, now gone again and he couldn’t handle it. Both times had been his fault, really. Reggie should never have been in Seattle. None of this should have ever happened.

 

His phone ringing broke him from his stupor. Slowly he pushed himself up onto his elbows, realising that his eyes were dry, the tears on his cheeks as well. He had stopped shaking and when he looked up to look out of the kitchen window, he saw that at least a few hours must have passed. Maybe Reggie was calling him if he had remembered his number? It was a slim chance, a very slim chance, but he had to take it, and some vigour returned to his limbs. Still, the hallway back to the bedroom seemed about a million miles longer than it had been before, and he hesitated when he finally made it to the end of it.

 

The sheets were still ruffled from where Reggie had tossed them aside, his scent still lingered in the air. And somewhere in the folds of the bed was his phone, still ringing. He started to get frantic when he dove into it, pulling aside blankets and tossing pillows off the bed. When he finally had it in his hands, it wasn’t Reggie’s face that stared back at him, it was Eugene, his smile hidden behind his hand, hood pulled up but his eyes betrayed that he was happy. Eugene. He had completely forgotten about him during the past few days. If he were honest, he wasn’t really in the mood to talk to him, or anyone, really. But he was so nervous suddenly that his thumb brushed over the answer button, and he quickly held it to his hear.

 

“Delsin,” Eugene’s voice sounded full of worry. “Did you make it home okay?”

 

“Y-yeah…,” his voice was shaky, and it must be obvious that he’d cried shortly before.

 

“I thought uhm… if you like I mean… maybe I could come over,” Eugene clearly sounded nervous, as he mostly did, but endearingly so. He worried about Delsin. “If er, if you want the company I mean. It must be- I mean with your brother- oh jeez I didn’t want to bring that up but uhm- well I just mean. If you want to.”

 

If these past few days had shown Delsin anything, it was that he was capable of shedding more tears than he ever thought could be in him. At his friends adorable babbling he just couldn’t help but burst out into tears again. He had completely forgotten about him but of course Eugene hadn’t. For him, Delsin was still without a brother, alone and with the responsibility of saving his tribe on his shoulders. He shouldn’t have been surprised that his friend would contact him, but here he was, unable to say anything.

 

“Delsin? Delsin?,” Eugene called him a few more times, but when Delsin didn’t answer, he simply said: “I’m coming over.”

 

The beeping was ringing loudly in Delsin’s ear for a few times, before his phone’s screen darkened. He held onto it for a few moments longer before it fell back onto the bed. Eugene was coming over, what on earth was he supposed to tell him? Reggie was back but he could never admit what really happened to make him run away again. How could he admit how irresponsible he’d been, how selfish, how horrible?

 

“Stupid light stop blinking!,” he yelled at the phone that was staring at him, mocking him.

 

Finally he checked it: Storage full. The video… last night’s video. It had recorded until the storage was full, way after they had made love, when they were still asleep. Delsin knew it would be a bad idea to watch it, to see how gentle and wonderful Reggie had been to him, but before he knew it it was playing already. It started right when Reggie had been in him, the moans were loud and genuine, but suddenly Delsin found himself skipping. Skipping to after they had finished, when they were cuddling up together. It was quiet soon after, once they had settled in, and the camera was just recording Reggie’s back now. Well parts of his back, it was so broad that the narrow camera angle couldn’t capture it all. Delsin listened to his even breathing, the soft rustling of the blanket every now and then when they shifted. Soon enough Delsin’s breathing told him that he was asleep, and after a while Reggie moved to check up on him. There was a pause, and then-

 

“I love you,” Reggie whispered.

 

Delsin quickly turned the video off and stuffed his phone into his pants. He freshened up a little bit before he ran out and towards the long house. His mind was on one track now: find Reggie, no matter what. He had to. He had to make it right.

 

“Reggie!” He kept shouting his name on the way, just in case he was still nearby and would hear him. Not that he was sure he would answer after what happened but what else was he supposed to do?

 

When he did manage to make it to the long house he was out of breath. It was still strangely quiet here, and the most prominent sound was the rush of the waves against the cliff. It had always been comforting to him, but now even that made him more nervous, his heart beating rapidly, his mind racing. If things were different he would go inside and tell Betty that he needed to find Reggie, that he had lost his memory and was in danger of hurting himself or getting lost in the woods. But what if she asked too many questions, what if it somehow slipped out what happened? Or worse: What if they did find Reggie and he were to tell them exactly what happened. That Delsin had seduced his brother in his most vulnerable state, that he had done something unforgivable?

 

“Stop,” he told himself. He had to stop being this selfish.

 

He had to remind himself of the facts: Reggie had no idea where he was, even if he did have faint memories of this place, there was a good chance he’d get lost. This time of year, if he was gone for a few hours without his jacket he could easily catch hypothermia and really get hurt. No matter his own feelings and worries, he couldn’t let that happen. Under no circumstances could he lose him again, not like this.

 

He had forgotten his own jacket, and he was shaking when he entered the long house again. It was quiet here now, everyone was at home and resting, finally getting better. He wished so badly that he could just sit and have tea with Betty and his brother, beg for some of the cookies she always hid in the jar on a high shelf in the kitchen. But he took a deep breath, took off his shoes and wandered through the house that once made him feel so at peace. He just knew that Betty would still be here, that she would refuse to go home because she needed to take care of any stragglers, give people information or the help that they needed. Delsin hoped that she had at least gotten some food and sleep, and made a mental note to make sure to take care of her as well.

 

Sure enough, here she was, sitting at the back of the house in her favourite armchair, reading a book and drinking tea. At least she was taking it easy and wasn’t bustling back and forth to fix something or direct people. He hoped that the damn concrete wouldn’t leave any lasting effects, Betty had always loved to be busy. If she couldn’t go back to normal and it was all his fault he-

 

“Delsin!” Betty had already noticed him and waved him over, but Delsin didn’t sit by her side. If he did now he wasn’t sure he could ever get up again. “You look like you’ve been crying, what is it, sweetheart?”

 

“I uhm… Reggie ran away he-,” Delsin took a deep breath before he continued. “He- He lost his memory and I tried to- I thought I would get him home but he- he ran away and I can’t find him and I’m so worried that he’ll get hurt. I don’t know where he is Betty.”

 

He had balled his hands into fists, but he was still shaking. Staring at the table with Betty’s tea on it somehow helped him not to burst into tears again. He couldn’t, not in front of Betty, he couldn’t show any indication of what really happened. Some rational part of his brain told him that there was no way Betty could know, not in a million years would she guess that he was fucking his brother in secret. But somehow he had always thought that it was written on his forehead, that it must be obvious to other people, and he wondered if that feeling would ever go away.

 

“Lost his memory?” Betty stood now, only limping slightly as he walked to Delsin and put a hand on his arm. “Why didn’t you say anything? He needs a hospital.”

 

“We went to the hospital together and… Fuck we got so much paperwork but now… We have to find him,” he said.

 

“Yes, yes of course, I’ll get some people together to search for him,” she said, immediately fishing her phone out of her pocket and started dialling.

 

“Please tell them if anyone finds him, please, please call me. It has to be me, just- It just has to be me, okay? He… he sort of remembers me,” he babbled, his heart beating rapidly.

 

“Okay, that’s a good idea.” She pulled him close into a hug, the phone still to her ear. “We will find him, you should go home and wait. You’re shivering.”

 

“I can’t- I can’t just-”

 

“Yes, you can. You’re in no state to go out there, you don’t even have a jacket.” She had this Betty look on her now that told Delsin there was no use in arguing and as she started chatting and organising the search he gave her a nod and what he thought were the beginnings of a smile before he turned to slowly walk outside again.

 

He was drained, completely and absolutely drained of energy. The way back to the house seemed so long suddenly, why hadn’t he taken the truck? Was there even gas in it? Delsin hadn’t paid attention to it before and now randomly it hit him. What would he even do about money? There wasn’t much of it in his own account and he had no idea how to get to Reggie’s. These thoughts weighed him down so much that he sank down on the steps leading to the long house, on the same spot where he had found Reggie just a few days ago. He sat there, shivering, staring down at his hands until he felt something warm being draped around him.

 

This white and pink hoodie seemed very familiar, and the scent did as well. He looked up, saw no one, then to his left, and there was Eugene, wearing just his shirt with the logo of that game he liked so much. Then he gave him an awkward smile and put his arm around Delsin, who sighed and leaned into the touch, head on Eugene’s small shoulder.

 

“Why are you sitting out here in the cold?,” Eugene asked, gently rubbing his arm.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.” Suddenly he was babbling and telling Eugene about what happened, about how he’d found Reggie in this exact spot, taken him home and taken care of him. He of course left out the part where he’d fucked him, but he described the rest of the events that had finally led him here. Eugene was silent for a while, just gently squeezed his shoulder.

 

“Let’s go get you home,” he said, helping him up. “I had to take the bus, is there a car we can borrow?”

 

“I er… it’s not that far I just forgot to take the truck but what about Reggie-”

 

“Maybe he’ll come home. He seemed to remember it. You should be there in case he does.”

 

Delsin nodded. That seemed to make sense in his confused state at least, and he trotted towards home. Eugene still had an arm around him, small, soft Eugene was holding him the entire time. Just one foot in front of the other, and after an eternity they were finally warm again. He was led to the couch where he sat in front of the big pile of documents he had no idea how to fill out. For a moment he was alone, then he was told to lift his arms and now there was a big fluffy sweater on him. Reggie’s.

 

“Oh, that was bigger than I thought it would be,” Eugene mumbled, but shrugged when Delsin pulled up his knees and hugged them. He liked Reggie’s clothes so much, how they smelled of him, how they felt, how warm they were.

 

He was so confused. He had been so frantic before, now he was sitting here in a stupor and staring at the papers, letting Eugene bustle about their house. Just lifting his hands seemed like an impossible task at the moment and he sure as hell wouldn’t be able to lift the mug that had suddenly appeared in front of him. Tea.

 

“Delsin?,” Eugene asked softly, and finally he looked at him. How much time had passed?

 

“Hey Eugene.” He gave him a smile, and Eugene inched closer, taking his hand. “You came.”

 

“Of course I did. I got approached by… some government types. They er.. They paid me off. I’m kinda rich now, and I think they’ll come to find you too. For Augustine.” Eugene waited, as if he were expecting a reaction from Delsin but he just stared blankly ahead. “It’s a good deal. Fetch got it too. A lot of other Conduits will as well. Things will change.”

 

“That… that’s good. Money…,” he trailed off, glancing at the papers again.

 

“Is that all the stuff from the hospital?,” Eugene asked and he nodded. “You have to fill all that out, huh? And Reggie doesn’t remember his social security number I assume?”

 

“Yes, exactly,” Delsin whispered, feeling the tears well up again. It was all so damn overwhelming. “Eugene, I don’t know how to pay for anything! How do I get food for us or pay for gas or- or- I have to get the cereal Reggie likes- What if he doesn’t like it anymore I-”

 

Eugene pulled him into a hug suddenly, let Delsin babble about all the things he had to do, most of them didn’t even make sense to his own mind but he had to get it all out. How helpless he felt, how guilty for making Reggie run away, wondering about all the small and big things that his brother had always taken care of that he had no idea about. He was a stupid boy, unable to do anything.

 

“Hey, hey now stop that,” Eugene finally interrupted him, cupping his cheeks. “You’re not a boy, you’re not stupid. You saved an entire city, Delsin! You saved your tribe and you… you saved me.”

 

Delsin blinked. Opened his mouth, closed it again. Saved Eugene?

 

“Saved you?”

 

“Delsin they… they did horrible things to me.” It was Eugene who looked down though, holding his hand instead of his face now. “I was ready to live my life down in that basement. Alone. You pulled me out of there, you gave me confidence and hope and… friendship. So yes you did save me.”

 

“Eugene…”

 

“No don’t say anything, Delsin, you’re just going to deny it.” He smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “You need rest now, you should sleep.”

 

“No I-,” but he was interrupted again.

 

“At least lie down here on the couch, just rest. They’ll call you when they find him. And I will go tackle these forms, okay?”

 

Delsin didn’t really have the energy to argue, and if someone could help him with this he would gladly accept it. So he curled up into a little ball, gave Eugene permission to look through Reggie’s desk where he seemed to keep most of their important documentation, and watched him work. Every now and then he would ask him things, some of them Delsin could answer, others he had no idea what they even meant. Whenever that happened Eugene just told him that it was okay, and went back to the desk to search through it once more. Slowly but surely the stack became smaller, and Eugene sorted papers into different piles, presumably organising them to where they would needed to be sent.

 

He had no concept of time, was too engrossed in watching his friend work. At one point Eugene got up and turned on the heating, covered Delsin in another blanket as it got colder and darker outside. Delsin’s thoughts once more drifted to his brother, to Reggie who was out there all by himself, cold, lonely. Finally he sat up, blearily blinking at his friend who turned to him and smiled. But his smile faltered when Delsin’s phone rang. He scrambled to pick up, his hands shaking again.

 

“Delsin, sweetheart, it’s me,” Betty’s voice was on the other end.

 

“W-where is he?”

 

“I… I’m so sorry Delsin, they didn’t find him. Not yet. Maybe he will come home.”

 

“B-but it’s dark out!,” he said as he realised just how late it was. They’d been here all day not out looking for him! “I can’t just leave him out there he will freeze to death!”

 

“We contacted the police, sweetheart, but they can’t do anything yet. I-I’m sure he’ll come home,” Betty sounded just as emotional as he felt, but Delsin couldn’t talk to her anymore.

 

He just hung up, standing, then pacing through the kitchen and the living room, talking to himself. They didn’t find him, it was so, so cold, he had to do something, he had to think. Eugene tried to stop him, tried to get him to sit down and maybe eat something but he wouldn’t listen. Conduit or not Reggie could die out there, he had to do something! In a snap decision he told his friend to stay back, grabbed another jacket to put on over Reggie’s oversized sweater and a blanket for his brother when he found him. When. Because he had to find him.

 

His feet led him to the cliffs not far from their house, and then towards the woods to his left. At first he followed the line of the cliffs, his steps sure along the path he had taken so many times as a kid, as an adult, and now again. He called for Reggie every now and then, just to make himself feel better, and eventually he started to walk deeper into the woods. Somehow he knew Reggie wouldn’t just be sitting out on the cliffs, looking at the sea, although it was a sight that had used to give them both pleasure. The sea didn’t judge them, the sea was just there. A constant, reassuring.

 

There was no rhyme or reason to the path he was taking, at least he didn’t think so at first. But he was ducking under trees on instinct, turning left, all but crawling under the tree that had fallen over so many years ago. It was dark but he knew the way by heart, the way to their secret tree house. They had built it when they had been little children, with the help of their parents who had then needed to swear an oath to never disturb them there or tell anyone where it was. When they had died, it had become their safe spot, and had remained that way when their relationship had turned into something entirely different. Aside from their home, the tree house was the one spot where they could be themselves. Maybe, just maybe Reggie had wandered here just like he had now, maybe he was there waiting for him. Or just waiting.

 

His heart was threatening to leap out his throat as he approached, finally saw the now somewhat rickety structure, the ladder that was pulled up. No one would be able to get up here, except Delsin, who could easily phase up there, startling himself and Reggie who was sitting there, huddled in a corner. When he looked up at Delsin he didn’t see the same anger he had seen this morning, there was something else there, something Delsin couldn’t really place yet. He took one step forward, but stopped then, and held out the blanket he had taken with him. Reggie shrugged, but then took it, wrapped it around himself.

 

“I’m not really cold,” Reggie said quietly.

 

“But it’s-”

 

“I think I’m different. Like the doctor said, like you…”

 

“A Conduit,” Delsin finished, and Reggie nodded. “Can… Can I sit?”

 

“Yeah sure…” Reggie shifted where he said, stretched his neck a little bit and kept watching him.

 

It was silent and awkward between them as Delsin sat down on the cold wooden floor, deliberately not taking one of the pillows that was stashed here. Somehow in his mind that was punishing himself for what he did, and more of that would surely follow, but for now he had to get Reggie home. Somehow.

 

“I’m sorry, Reggie.”

 

Silence. Reggie slowly looked away, through the window at the dark sky and the starts twinkling above them. Delsin didn’t blame him, what could he possibly say? Forgive him? Not likely.

 

“Please just come home, it’s so cold out here. I don’t want you to get hurt,” he said after a while. “You don’t even have to talk to me or, or do anything. I’ll go back to my own room, you won’t have to look at me just please come home.”

 

“Don’t want to hurt me?” Reggie huffed, making Delsin flinch. Yes, he’d already hurt him. Why on earth was he so damn bad at this? All he could do was say the wrong things.

 

Delsin didn’t know what to reply to this, and he didn’t know what to say to convince Reggie to come home. So they just sat there in silence, glancing at each other every now and then. There was a used sketchpad in the corner, a book that Reggie had been reading while Delsin had been sketching here. He remembered how peaceful their last time here had been, how happy they were in this little safe spot. Just casually leaning into each other’s touches, Reggie’s hand in his hair, gently petting him and undoing the knots that were in it from the wind. Now that was all gone from his brother’s head, most likely forever.

 

He sighed, these thoughts kept creeping up on him. And would for a long time, no matter if his brother was going to come with him or not. So much was lost, his heart and happiness a part of it and he wasn’t sure if he would ever find them again.

 

“Is this what it was like before?,” Reggie eventually asked.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“This… this pain.” He pointed at his chest, where his heart would be. “Was it always like this?”

 

“Sometimes,” Delsin admitted. “Sometimes it felt unbearable. But we always found back to each other.”

 

He didn’t say the words. Didn’t say they came back to each other because they loved each other. Delsin still did, but after what he made Reggie do, he wasn’t sure he would ever feel the same way again.

 

“Did I feel guilty?,” Reggie continued. “Did I… make you do this? Did I manipulate you?”

 

A different Reggie but the same worries, and Delsin couldn’t help but scramble closer to him and look into his eyes, pleading.

 

“No, no!,” he said. “Never! You were the one to hold back at first, to tell me not to do this, that I could find someone else to love, that I would. But I refused. There has never been anyone else but you, not for me. There still isn’t, but… But I’m not going to touch you again. I know what I did was horrible and I’m so sorry. Please don’t feel guilty again, please-”

 

“I don’t,” Reggie interrupted. “I don’t feel guilty. I.. I was shocked, and I’m hurt but… but damn it I still love you.”

 

He was finally looking at him again, hurt, desperate and loving. Suddenly he pulled him close into a kiss, a passionate one, kissing him for dear life. Delsin eagerly returned it, hands on his brother’s strong shoulders. He had no idea what the hell was going on, but he took whatever he could get. Slipping into his brother’s lap they deepened the kiss until they were both breathless and couldn’t go on anymore. Which was a lot longer than any make out session he had had before it had turned out that he was a Conduit. It was an observation he filed away in the back of his mind, because now Reggie was looking at him again, big hand on his chest, over his heart.

 

“I cannot stay away from you,” Reggie whispered, his breath tickling Delsin’s lips. “You… have witchcraft in your lips.”

 

Before he could remark on the Shakespeare quote and whether it was inappropriate, before he could say anything or worry that this relationship had taken a darker turn he was silenced by Reggie’s lips on his own again. One thing rang out in his mind though. He didn’t feel guilty anymore. He was freely kissing him, touching him, hands on his back, sliding down until they found his ass and squeezed. Delsin didn’t need to convince him, didn’t have to tell him that he really wanted this, that he wasn’t taking advantage. There was just Reggie’s lips on his own, what he had always wanted.

 

They sat there for a while, neither feeling the cold. Delsin ran hotter now that he had his powers, and Reggie was sheltered too by whatever he was capable of now. So they just kissed, talking softly then kissed again, and Delsin told him about what had happened that day. They would need to call Betty and tell her that everything was okay, needed to pretend that they were just brothers when they got back home. Eugene was so nice, helping them out, he didn’t need to see this, his poor little heart might not be able to take it.

 

Delsin could tell though, that not everything was okay. Reggie couldn’t stay away from him, but he hadn’t forgiven him, not completely. And because he himself was weak, he didn’t tell his brother to stop kissing him, to put some space between them to figure out what they both wanted and needed. Because Delsin knew that he needed his big brother, he was as in love with him as the first day he had realised his feelings for him. And love… love made him do stupid things like this.

 

In the end they were just cuddling, Delsin’s head on Reggie’s shoulder as his brother gently rubbed over his arm and his back. His fingers traced his cheek, played with his hair and the hem of his clothes. He was exploring him again, perhaps even remembering? Delsin didn’t dare ask, didn’t dare hope that his brother remembered the bracelet he made for him, that he was now playing with. It was simple leather, with a few turquoise beads in it. He loved it dearly, it reminded him of their promise they had done long ago, how they would be together no matter what.

 

“This is pretty,” Reggie said, looking at the bracelet.

 

“You made it for me,” he replied quietly, not looking into his eyes.

 

“Did I make you gifts a lot?”

 

“Hm… more than some other boyfriends I think,” he mused. “You were always amazing at making me feel so special so… like I was worth everything. But it’s… It doesn’t matter, what happened in the past.”

 

“Yes it does. I want to know, some of it at least.”

 

“Maybe not today, Reg.” He gently brushed through his brother’s hair, and finally he got a small smile out of him. “Let’s go home, okay?”

 

For a while they held hands on their way back home, Reggie wrapping the blanket around them both. Then he pulled Delsin close by his waist, arm always around him, and he was all too happy to press against his side. For however long it lasted, he wanted to enjoy it. There was a lot they had to work through, between them, and with the stuff Eugene had been working on for them. He sincerely hoped that his friend hadn’t found anything at their place that indicated their real relationship, but when they greeted him back at their home, he didn’t give any indication of it. Instead, he introduced himself to Reggie.

 

“We met before, didn’t we?,” Reggie asked.

 

“Yeah but… Delsin told me what happened.” He was tugging on the sleeves of his hoodie again, making himself smaller, almost back to his nervous old self. Perhaps he remembered how distrustful Reggie had been of Conduits when they met. “I tried… I tried to fill out as much as I could, I almost got it all. You were very neat in organising all your important documents. Although you’re going to have to request a new pin code for your bank card I-”

 

He stopped and smiled at their confused faces.

 

“I made a list. With little boxes to check off. I wrote down all the important numbers you’ll have to call, it’s all right there in that folder.”

 

Delsin stumbled forward and hugged him as if his life depended on it. He was so small, so smart and wonderful, he would never have been able to do all of this without him. He thanked him profusely over and over again, promised he was welcome here for as long as he wanted. They sat down together then, after Delsin had called Betty to make sure the tribe wasn’t still out searching for Reggie, ordered pizza and talked for the rest of the night. Not about anything meaningful or what they needed to do once morning came. Eugene was hopeful, with the money he had gotten from the government he could figure out what he wanted to do, could take his time and adjust to a normal life again. Delsin wouldn’t mind if he did all that here, maybe even with Fetch, but Reggie also needed to figure himself out, and he wasn’t sure if it would be easier or harder with two other people here. And there was the fact that their house wasn’t really built for that many…

 

“Stop thinking, Del,” Reggie whispered, hand on the back of his head, rubbing gently. “I’ll go to sleep now, and so should you.”

 

Delsin only fixed up his room for Eugene before he joined Reggie, hesitating when his friend saw him go inside.

 

“I… I will just make sure that he falls asleep I-”

 

“I get it,” Eugene said with a smile. “You’re worried he’ll vanish again. He’s important to you, go.”

 

They said goodnight and Delsin slipped into their room, setting Reggie at ease as well. He stood at the side of the bed, looking down at his brother as he took off Reggie’s sweater, let it drop to the floor along with his shirt, and his jeans. He hesitated at his boxers, but then it was Reggie who reached out to pull them down. They had to be quiet, both of them knew that and so Delsin didn’t remind his brother when he slipped into bed with him. This time it was slow and gentle, kissing each other to keep from making any sounds. It seemed even more intimate when he spread his legs for his brother this time, somehow despite what happened they were even closer. He gasped and moaned softly against Reggie’s lips, dug his fingers into those strong shoulders, holding onto them.

 

The confusion and worry in Delsin’s mind was stilled for a while, when he was in his brother’s arms he managed to drift off to sleep knowing that at least he was back home, where he belonged.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsuspecting visitor solves all of Delsin's money problems, but in other parts of his life, the problems just started.

The next few months of their lives passed quickly. They were comprised of running from one office to the next, mailing the documents they had filled and making sure the two of them were somehow taken care of. Delsin had needed to take on some quick jobs, working part time or for someone in the tribe, insisting that Reggie stay at home and rest. He didn’t quite trust his health yet, he had gone through something so traumatic. But it was overwhelming to be in charge completely, to figure everything out even with Eugene’s help. Everything was on his shoulders now, and if he didn’t make it, they wouldn’t have enough food on the table, as they had no savings to speak of. For a while Delsin was scared that they would not receive Reggie’s pension in time, but then just like Eugene had predicted, an ominous looking man in a suit showed up.

 

Eugene stayed with them for a while, and it was good that he did or Delsin might have blasted that man into oblivion he was so creeped out by him. He was being paid off, to not sue the government for what Augustine had done to them, and a whole city, and he could agree to that. In no way was he obligated to keep quiet about it and he really, really needed the money.

 

An amount that would set him - and Reggie - up for life.

 

He still couldn’t believe the number as he looked at it on the paper. Never even in his dreams would he have imagined that he could be rich! They had been scraping even when their parents had still been alive, and after that it was a rare treat when Reggie could buy him a decent present for his birthday. Delsin himself had always crafted something for his big brother, a macaroni picture frame when he was little, later things that he could actually use, like a new bag from fabric that he had either saved up for or taken from Betty. Now… now they never had to worry about money again.

 

The sheer relief that washed over him at the realisation made him fall apart a little, made him cry tears of exhaustion. All those worries he had, that he wouldn’t be able to take care of Reggie because of the lack of money were gone now. Now he could curl up in his brother’s strong embrace, who pulled him close when he noticed his tears, and know that things would be easier from now on. At least in this regard.

 

Reggie still had amnesia, and most likely that would never change.

 

Neither of them had mentioned what Delsin had done since the day he had confessed, especially not with Eugene in the house. There was simply too much to do. Every night they would collapse in their beds, exhausted. Now that Eugene was here too, Delsin forced himself to sleep on the couch, craving his brother’s touch every night. Sometimes he wasn’t able to stay away, risking his friend finding out by sneaking into Reggie’s room once he thought he was asleep. After all they had been doing this for years, hiding had become second nature to him, and being able to phase under the crack in the door certainly helped.

 

Reggie always pulled him close wordlessly, holding him, kissing him, sometimes quietly making love. Deep down Delsin liked the thrill of knowing his friend was in the other room, liked the way Reggie pressed a hand to his mouth to silence his moans. What he didn’t like was having to leave after, going back to the couch where he was alone, without the man he loved so dearly. Without his warmth, his touch, his gentle kisses. He wondered whether Reggie had forgiven him, or whether he was too deeply attached to him to be able to break it off. Without Delsin he had nothing to cling to, he would be alone.

 

The thought scared him whenever he was alone on that couch. Was he now the one to force his brother to do this? Was it even true what Reggie had said, that he loved him? Delsin badly wanted to believe that his brother hadn’t changed in this regard, that he would never lie to him. He wanted to rely on that because the alternative was too horrible.

 

He repressed these thoughts every morning, greeting his brother with a reassuring smile. Reggie needed stability now, and even with their dirty secret Delsin had to offer it to him as best he could. For a while he shielded his brother from the rest of the tribe, feeling that it might overwhelm his brother, and he was right. Even after a few months of resting, of trying to sort out their lives, meeting a bunch of their friends in the long house had been a bad idea.

 

Reggie may have changed with the amnesia, but Delsin still knew him well enough to know when he was uncomfortable. He didn’t expect his brother to have a full blown panic attack when he led him to the veranda at the back of the house though, overlooking the ocean. Reggie collapsed there, clutching his chest, trying to breathe normally. All he could do was rub his brother’s back, talking to him soothingly, promising things would be okay. He knew what these attacks were like, and remembered how Reggie had done this exact same thing. How things had changed.

 

“Reggie?,” he asked softly when his brother seemed to have calmed down a little bit, his broad chest still rising and falling quickly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Reggie gasped. “I just…”

 

“Hey, no need for that,” Delsin reassured him, still rubbing over his back. “It’s too soon, I get it. It’s overwhelming.”

 

“It’s just I-,” he paused for a moment, swallowing, catching his breath. “They all look at me so expectantly, and I don’t know what to give them. And when they realise I don’t remember them… all I get is pity. I can’t take it, Delsin.”

 

“We’ll go home, Reg, okay?”

 

Reggie turned to look at him, as if he were about to say something else, but then he just reached out to cling to him desperately, and Delsin let him. It was his turn to take care of his big brother now, and he was slowly growing into that role. He kissed the top of his head, let his fingers play with the hair at the back of his neck, soothing him as best he could.

 

“O-okay,” Reggie eventually said, whispered into his throat. When he pulled away he hesitated for a moment, then pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and it took everything Delsin had not to flinch away.

 

The old Reggie would never have done that, out here, where someone could see. But the new Reggie didn’t feel guilty. Somehow that thought was thrilling.

 

Delsin wrapped an arm around his brother’s waist, and together they snuck behind the long house towards Reggie’s truck. They could buy a new car now if they wanted, but it was so ingrained in them that they needed to save, needed to use everything to its full potential that they hadn’t even considered it yet. As long as it was able to start, they would keep driving it. Once successfully in, he quickly texted Betty their reason for leaving, she would take care of the rest. Perhaps they could invite her for tea, just her, which hopefully wouldn’t overwhelm his brother.

 

They returned to their empty home, empty because Eugene had left for Seattle again, trying to find his own way there and meeting up with Fetch. He had promised that soon he would visit them, but at the moment Delsin couldn’t tear himself from his brother.

 

At home Delsin lead his him back to their bed, settling in it together. Tonight was one of those rare moments where Reggie was resting on his chest, and not the other way around. Delsin continued his soothing motions, playing with his hair, making his brother hum contentedly. He couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

 

“Hm?,” Reggie asked sleepily.

 

“As strict as you always were… I always knew you were just a big ol’ sweet cuddly bear inside,” he said, poking his brother’s chest right in the middle.

 

“I was strict?,” Reggie grasped his hand, intertwining their fingers. Sometimes he wanted to hear more about the past, other times he was strictly against it. Tonight seemed to be the former, despite what happened at the long house.

 

“Well, yeah, you had to be, after our parents were gone,” Delsin explained. “I didn’t understand it for a while. I was too busy grieving, and then rebelling against you.”

 

“But we were already together?”

 

“Not back then. It… Well it was really complicated.” Delsin sighed, it still was. “You tried to be my father, I tried to rebel against it, then I got older and we… got together. And you were still my guardian, you felt guilty about it and I didn’t want you to which made me rebel even more. You’d arrest me for tagging a building and later that day you were so relieved I was home safe that everything was forgotten again and we made love. I… It was always complicated. And fucked up. I never realised how much until now.”

 

Reggie was quiet for a while, his fingers brushing over Delsin’s hand.

 

“I know why I kept going,” he said quietly

 

“You remember?”

 

“No, but I can understand why. I know it’s not what we should be doing, especially not since I’m your big brother and should know better. But I love you, and knowing that you love me… It makes things easier.”

 

Delsin didn’t know what to say to that, so he gently nudged Reggie to sit up again, who seemed puzzled for a moment, but immediately melted into the kiss Delsin pressed to his lips. Now that they were alone again they didn’t have to hold back, even with the door open.

 

One kiss turned into many, and soon the thoughts of their messed up relationship were gone, replaced by the desire that never lessened, even after all these years. Reggie seemed to want him even more now, always ready to take him. He suspected that the change in his mind, his lack of guilt now let him show what he really wanted, and Delsin realised how good it felt to be desire this much, all the time. It’s what he had always wanted to know, and finally he had that confirmation.

 

Delsin pushed Reggie to lie on his back, grinning with the idea that had just popped into his head.

 

“I like that grin,” Reggie said, already taking off his shirt in eager anticipation, then settling in where he was.

 

He couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight of that broad, powerful chest, but he held back. They had all the time in the world now, he could lick and kiss his way over that chest later. For now he leaned over his brother, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. A quick flick through his music playlists gave him exactly what he wanted.

 

“Music to strip to,” he said, and pressed play.

 

“Why exactly do you have that playlist?” Reggie’s grin was wide, eager, the desire darkening his eyes.

 

“Because I’ve wanted to do this for you for ages.”

 

He didn’t mean for it to sound so needy, but it was true that Reggie had never let him do these kinds of things, rather hiding these parts of their relationship. They would cuddle and make love, but that was it. Now however Reggie seemed so eager, he seemed… happier. And that in turn made Delsin happy too, his worries forgotten.

 

Delsin scooched off the bed as the first tunes of “Supernatural” by Divine Right came on, a song that he thought fit him perfectly. It was punkish, and it was perfect to strip to, lewd enough to promise Reggie the naughty things he would do to him later, would let his brother do to him once he was naked.

 

He was good at this, he knew that he was, but seeing it reflected on Reggie’s face was infinitely better than seeing any stranger desire him in a nightclub. He swayed his hips to the music, rarely taking his eyes off his brother, only when he turned to show off his best asset. Turning to look over his shoulder he had to smirk when he saw Reggie rubbing himself through his pants.

 

“Now, now, that’s not allowed,” Delsin told him off, never stopping his dancing. “Where would be the fun in that?”

 

Reggie cursed under his breath, but Delsin watched with satisfaction how his brother pulled his hand away, bringing it back behind is head and settling in to watch him. Delsin really loved this song dearly, the music, the lyrics that seemed to speak to him about his relationship with his brother. Fingers running through his tousled hair, now a few inches longer than his chin, he lost himself to the music. Now he was a sensual being, completely comprised of desire, urged on by the looks his brother gave him.

 

The first song was spent just dancing, teasing Reggie with an inch of exposed belly before dropping his shirt once more. Only during the next song did he start to undress, “Let's get it on” by Marvin Gaye, a song so sensual it reflected his inner state perfectly. He relished in the soft gasp that escaped Reggie's lips when he finally tossed his shirt aside, his hair now an even bigger mess but a short glance into the wardrobe’s mirror showed him it only aided in making him sexier.

 

He had rarely thought of himself that way he noticed as he turned slowly to the music still swaying his hips, hands roaming over his own body, teasing his nipples. But the way Reggie looked at him now… he felt like pure lust, pure sex, and he revelled in it.

 

“Damn, Delsin,” Reggie cursed. “You're a fucking babe.”

 

Delsin had to grin at that, he felt like a damn babe too, especially with that music playing, getting these looks from his brother. His hands on his jeans, he popped open the first button, freezing when the song switched.

 

“You can leave your hat on” by Joe Crocker.

 

Both of them stopped, but it was Reggie who suddenly burst out laughing. Delsin had forgotten completely that he had put that song there, it had definitely seemed funny at the time with how cliche it was, and it certainly was funny now. So he joined in his brother’s laughter for a while.

 

“I can't believe you chose that song,” Reggie gasped.

 

“It's still a sexy song,” Delsin said, turning, finding his rhythm again, showing his brother his ass. “You better pay attention.”

 

Ever so slowly he unbuttoned his pants, then with the same pace, pushed them down. Inch by agonisingly slow inch he started to reveal his ass, turning his head as he did to watch his brother, who literally licked his lips at the sight.

 

Finally he let his pants fall, turning to expose himself completely to his brother, feeling absolutely perfect as he did. Reggie's eyes seemed almost completely dark, and the bulge in his pants was very prominent. Delsin had done that, just by dancing for him.

 

“Boy am I glad you didn't leave your hat on,” Reggie mumbled, sitting up when Delsin started to crawl onto the bed, welcoming him with a ravishing kiss. “That was amazing, Delsin.”

 

“That was just the beginning,” Delsin whispered against his lips, hands frantically undoing the buttons of Reggie’s pants.

 

His brother sighed when he pulled him out, so big and thick and hard in Delsin’s hand. He felt himself about to drool, the thought of feeling him inside him overwhelming. He felt like a slut, wanting it so badly, wanting it all the time, but even though Reggie looked at him with lust, he also looked at him with love.

 

“Del, why are you stopping?,” Reggie asked when he hesitated.

 

“I… It’s not wrong to want it so much, is it?,” he blurted out. “To want it this badly?”

 

“I don’t think it is,” he replied, his hand coming up to cup his cheek, sliding back to grasp his hair. “And even if… Then I’m wrong too.”

 

“We’re wrong already, aren’t we?,” Delsin continued, but somehow… it didn’t make him sad. “I suppose this doesn’t matter much.”

 

“We’re not wrong, Delsin.”

 

Before he could ask what Reggie meant he was pulled into another kiss, and then all of his worries melted into the desire and pleasure that had been put unnecessarily on hold. Back they were to frantically tugging on Reggie’s pants, throwing them off the bed. The lube was quickly in Reggie’s hands, his fingers coated and teasing Delsin’s entrance who was still on all fours on top of his brother.

 

As he stretched him open he gasped against Reggie’s lips, so hungry for his kisses, even hungrier for his cock, but knowing he still needed the prep to be able to take him. If only he could be ready for him all the time, ready so that his brother could take him against the wall, on the table, on the floor whenever he wanted, ravishing him until they were both satisfied and spent. But now he had to wait, forehead pressed against Reggie’s strong shoulder, gasping against his skin, moaning when he found his sweet spot inside him.

 

“Ahh, fuck, Reggie,” he moaned, suddenly biting into his shoulder, making him curse under his breath. “Ah, shit, too much?”

 

“No, no!,” Reggie quickly blurted out. “Do it again.”

 

So Delsin did, at first carefully nipping his shoulder, biting a little deeper when he elicited sweet moans from him. Not in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Reggie liked pain, or a little bit of it. But now that he wasn’t held back by his feelings of shame it seemed that he was seeing many sides of him that he hadn’t previously shows. Besides… Reggie was different now.

 

They kept teasing each other, Reggie with his fingers in Delsin, and he with his lips and teeth, marking his brother’s shoulder, leaving deep red marks where he sucked a hickey. He was so lost in this act he didn’t think about the marks he left on his neck, or how they would be visible the day after. Any thought of consequence was erased from his mind when Reggie aligned himself with his entrance, and gently pushed him down.

 

“Oh, fuck, fuck oh yes please oh fuck,” Delsin started to babble. He had wanted to be in control, to be the confident, sexy babe that Reggie had made him, but now that he felt those big hands on his hips, pushing him down, he relished in letting him have that control over him.

 

“You’re not too tight are you, babe?,” Reggie whispered into his ear, tugging lovingly on his earlobe.

 

“N-no, you always take care of me… such good care of me,” Delsin muttered, then hesitated as he pulled back a little to look at Reggie, unsure of how he would react to his next words. “B-big brother.”

 

What came out of Reggie could only be described as a possessive growl, just before he kissed him, ravished him. Why did something so wrong feel so damn good? His own shame was pushed away when he felt himself stretched wide on that big cock, felt himself sink on it inch by inch until he was straddling him, his entire body shaking with how good it felt.

 

“Oh Reggie, Reg, big brother, my big brother you’re so big, you feel so good,” he kept babbling, totally overwhelmed by the pleasure he felt.

 

At first Reggie grabbed him by his thighs and lifted him, gently, slowly, almost all the way off his cock before letting him sink down again, Delsin desperately clinging to his shoulders. He was spread so wide, so open, filled up so perfectly he was already leaking onto his brother’s stomach, and he didn’t know how long he could last but he didn’t want it to end too soon, it was too perfect. He kept babbling these words of encouragement, calling him his big brother and how good he felt, seeing the desire in Reggie’s eyes getting only stronger at these words.

 

For the moment the implication of those words was lost on both of them.

 

Delsin was completely boneless with pleasure, every nerve in his body on fire, he could barely keep himself upright while he was lifted and pushed down again. Tugging Reggie closer he leaned in for a sloppy kiss, relishing in the fullness when his brother let him sit on him again.

 

“Fuck me,” he breathed against his lips, and there it was again, that possessive little growl he had never heard his brother make before.

 

Reggie knew exactly what he meant though, and without pulling out of him he turned them around, lifting Delsin’s legs so they were on his brother’s strong shoulders, holding onto them there. No more slow rhythm, no more gentle, no more holding back. Reggie’s thrusts were hard and fast now, nailing that sweet spot in him every single time. He wanted to cry with the sheer pleasure he felt, and when he felt his brother wipe away those tears he realised that he had, that he just couldn’t hold back anymore.

 

“Delsin?,” he asked breathlessly, slowing down for a moment.

 

“No, no, please big brother please keep going it’s so good,” he replied quickly, reaching up to cover his brother’s hand with his own, smiling to reassure him.

 

For a moment Reggie was gentle again, gently lifting his legs, spreading them so he could lean down and kiss him.

 

“I love you.” A pause. “I forgive you.”

 

Delsin’s eyes went wide at the confession, his heart suddenly lighter than it had been for weeks. He forgave him for how horrible he had been, and Delsin believed it when Reggie kissed him deeply once more.

 

Then they were both simply lost in their pleasure, and Delsin was unable to form any words at all anymore. Another endearment, another instance of “brother” may have tumbled from his lips every now and then, but most of what came out of him were sweet moans that Reggie was eager to swallow with kisses.

 

When Reggie sent him over the edge he blacked out for a moment, only vaguely registering his own moans, and those from his brother. The pleasure overwhelmed him, Reggie’s continued thrusts overstimulating him so sweetly until he stilled inside him too. When Delsin came to, his brother was gently cradling him in his arms, caressing his cheek and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

 

For a moment Reggie’s head snapped up to the window, but just as quickly as he had done that, he was paying attention to Delsin again. He frowned up at his brother questioningly, but Reggie shook his head.

 

“I thought I saw something, but it was nothing. Rest now,” he said, caressing his cheek. “You are so gorgeous my darling.”

 

“Even with your come dripping out of me?,” Delsin asked, giggling, feeling so giddy and happy.

 

“Especially then,” Reggie chuckled, then telling him to stay while he went to the bathroom, returning with a wet, warm towel to clean him up with.

 

Delsin was completely pliant under his touch, letting Reggie gently wipe his own come off his chest, making sure he wouldn’t be sticky once he had fallen asleep. He sighed when he was done and returned to his side, cradling him once more.

 

“Delsin....,” Reggie trailed off for a moment. “Are you happy?”

 

“Hm?” Now that his giddy state had left him somewhat, he was quickly starting to feel sleepy. “Yeah…. Yeah I am…”

 

Reggie glanced down at him, with a look Delsin couldn’t quite place in his state. But then he smiled, and when he told him to sleep and rest, he did just that.

 

The panic attack from the day before and how uncomfortable Reggie had been didn’t seem so bad anymore when Delsin woke up. For a while he cuddled against his brother’s broad chest, tracing random patterns on it and relishing in the peaceful atmosphere. It should always be like this, just the two of them in their home, happy and sated.

 

With enough money to do whatever they wanted.

 

A smile spread on Delsin’s face as he remembered the utterly enormous amount of money that was now in his bank account. Now he could get all those expensive art supplies he had only ever dreamed about before. Spraying had been a relatively cheap way to explore his art, but he had always wanted to do more. He remembered how much Reggie had to scrape together just to buy him a few decent brushes and paint for his birthday, denying himself everything, gathering coupons wherever he could. Now Delsin was the one who could do nice things for his brother, pamper him for a change.

 

He thought things could be better now, that they could both be happier, but then he sat up and saw that Reggie was awake, staring at the ceiling with a frown on his face. Happiness didn’t look like that.

 

“Reg, what is it?,” he asked, a sense of dread settling in him. “You don’t regret-”

 

“No,” he quickly said, his hand coming to rest on Delsin’s arm. “I’ve just been thinking…”

 

“That doesn’t sound good.”

 

Reggie gave him a weak smile, then sighed, his gaze once more returning to the ceiling.

 

“I was just wondering… if this is it,” Reggie paused for a moment, and the happiness Delsin had felt vanished, replaced by a terrible anxiety. “Let’s face it, I’m not getting my memories back beyond what I remember about you. Maybe in time there will be more, but… it’s been weeks, months, and nothing. I don’t belong here anymore, and I’m not sure I will ever feel that way again.”

 

“But Reggie, they’re our tribe, they’re family.”

 

He had rebelled against tradition many times, but deep down it was incredibly important to him, as was this place, his home.

 

“I know.” He turned to look at Delsin now. “And I want to learn about our culture again, everything I’ve forgotten, but it’s just the way I feel, Delsin, I’m sorry. And this, between us… I hate the thought that this is everything it could ever be. We don’t feel wrong, and I know that it’s a messed up thought to have, but they’re my messed up thoughts. I am not sure they will ever change.”

 

“You want more, from us?,” Delsin asked. “But how? We’re still brothers, we can’t ever be more than… than hidden lovers.”

 

Reggie smiled then, a sad kind of smile before he sighed, and kissed him.

 

“There is that witchcraft in your lips I can’t resist,” he whispered, before pulling back, something in him changing as he continued normally. “Not if we left.”

 

His eyes widened at the suggestion, his heart skipping a beat before starting to race. Leave? The only home he had ever known? Where he was welcomed despite being a Conduit? But being a Conduit and being in an incestuous relationship was still something entirely different, wasn’t it?

 

“Leave?,” he heard how quiet, how unsure his own voice sounded and he looked down, saw Reggie reaching out to cover his hand with his own.

 

“I could change my name, and we could go somewhere warm. We have the money now, don’t we? We could buy a lovely house and walk down the street holding hands, you can finally paint everything you ever wanted, and I can figure out what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to be a cop anymore, even if they would let me. Just…,” Reggie trailed off for a moment. “Just think about it, okay?”

 

“How would we even explain it? We couldn’t tell anyone or they might come after us. How could we do that to Betty?,” Delsin asked, increasingly torn on the inside.

 

What Reggie had described sounded so perfect, he wanted everything and more, wanted to be able to kiss his brother and not have to hide it. They still probably wouldn’t be able to get married, in case someone looked into their relationship, but they could be… free. Which meant leaving behind everything he had ever known.

 

“I’ll think about it,” he whispered, and Reggie hugged him tightly.

 

“Okay. We’ll figure this out, Delsin.”

 

For a while they just stayed there, cuddling in bed, each lost in their own thoughts before their mood changed a little. Then Delsin got dressed in one of Reggie’s big shirts, making breakfast for both of them and planning out loud what amazing dishes he would now be able to prepare with fancy, expensive ingredients. Together they made plans to go shopping, not just for food, but art supplies for Delsin, a new TV for their home, perhaps a game console they had never been able to afford. He remembered how fun is first Gameboy had been, and surely there were much more advanced things now, judging by what he had seen at Eugene’s.

 

“Here, stop at the long house I gotta pick up my hat,” Delsin told his brother, who reluctantly pulled over.

 

“Just leave it, you look much nicer without it,” Reggie said, but followed anyway when he just gave him a smile and exited the car. To be safe he had put on a scarf, to hide the marks Delsin had left there the night before, but it was exciting to know they were there. His own little claim on his brother.

 

They bickered about Delsin’s hat the whole way to the house, and inside it where no one seemed to be at the moment. It was the middle of the day during the week, so most people were obviously at work or school. It was almost eerie to see this place so empty. No one was here except for Betty, who sat in her usual chair looking lost in thought.

 

“Oh hey Betty, have you seen my hat?,” Delsin asked, freezing in place when she looked at him.

 

Something about her was different, she looked… angry, disappointed. He had only seen her this angry once, when Augustine had invaded their home and threatened to hurt their tribe, doing just that in the end.

 

“Something wrong?”

 

Delsin felt the comforting presence of his brother behind him, their arms pressed together. For some reason he felt the urge to reach out and take Reggie’s hand, but given that they were not alone, he couldn’t.

 

Betty’s silence seemed to stretch on forever, and an increasing sense of dread filled every fibre of his being. Why wasn’t she saying anything? When she finally did, Delsin wished she hadn’t.

 

“I saw what you did last night.”

 

It felt as if the world had been pulled from under him. For a moment everything seemed to go dark, his whole body numb from the shock. His knees gave out, and he fell to the cold, hard wooden floor. She knew. Betty knew.

 

They were finished.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty decides their fate, Delsin's heart is broken, and once more Reggie has to take care of him. Some things never change, but their lives do.

“I saw what you did last night.”

 

The words rang through Delsin’s head, over and over and over again, his whole body numb, slumped down on the floor. Time seemed to stand still for him, the long house had fallen away, it was just him and this tiny patch of wooden floor that he stared at. He seemed to be hugging himself, rocking back and forth on his knees but he couldn’t feel anything. Not his own body, or the floor, or his brother, or Betty who should still be nearby.

 

He was comprised of terror. Sheer and utter terror. Their secret had been revealed, someone had finally found out. And it was the tribe’s elder, one of the most important people in his live. He was unable to move, unable to face the consequences of his actions. The bubble of safety he had convinced himself was impenetrable had only been a fantasy. There was no going back, this was it.

 

There were no options - or were there?

 

He could pretend that it had been against his will, that Reggie had coerced him. Best case scenario Reggie would be sent away, worst case he would go to prison for a very long time. He couldn’t do that to his brother, not when it didn’t even remotely reflect the truth. It had been Delsin, it had always been Delsin. Convincing Reggie to do this, telling him it was okay. Even after he had lost his memory, it was him who had initiated it all again.

 

Or they might convince Betty that they would stop, that it was a momentary lapse of judgement. They could lie about how long it had been going on, pretend to stop and just be brothers again, either really doing just that or becoming even more careful about their relationship. Neither option was something he would be able to do, Delsin realised.

 

He loved Reggie. With all his heart.

 

“Words cannot express how disgusted I am,” Betty said, pulling him out of his stupor.

 

The world came crashing back in on him, and he felt his body flinch towards the ground. Just barely he was able to support himself on his hands. His body felt so heavy now, like he was about to keel over face first, but then he felt strong arms around him, pulling him up and supporting him. Reggie was by his side, he always was.

 

Delsin realised then that he was shaking, trembling like a leaf, and he couldn’t stop. He was so terrified of the consequences, of being called all those horrible things he had already imagined in his mind. He shouldn’t have been surprised, shouldn’t it have only been a matter of time? And yet here he was, literally floored and unable to say anything to defend himself.

 

“You have committed an unspeakable act.” Betty’s voice was ice, and every word felt like a dagger into his heart. “I went to check up on you, Reggie, because I was worried. I arrive and you don’t open the door, there was music and I went around to see if you were there and I-”

 

She paused then, and out of his peripheral vision he saw her stand up and turn around, looking out of the window. It seemed she was unable to look at them too.

 

“To think that I was worried…,” she huffed. “Instead you commit this deplorable act. This disgusting, deplorable, wrong thing. Both of you should know better, you should both know how wrong it is, you are brothers!”

 

Turning towards them again, Delsin made the mistake of looking up and seeing the precise disgust in her eyes he had never wanted to see. He was a piece of filth to her now, one she would never hug again, never talk soothingly to, or give advice, support. Never again would she love him.

 

“B-Betty-”

 

Tears were now freely rolling down his cheeks, dripping down his chin and onto his knees, Reggie was still holding onto him.

 

“No!,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything from you, you disgust-”

 

“Stop.” It was Reggie’s turn to interrupt her now, and though he hadn’t raised his voice, it still commanded Betty immediately. “Don’t you dare say that word one more time.”

 

“I don’t care if you lost your memory,” she spat back. “You are Delsin’s big brother, you should know better than this! You’re supposed to protect him, to make sure that he isn’t perverted like this!”

 

Delsin’s eyes went wide at this, the horrible act he had done came crashing back. He should have told Reggie sooner, he shouldn’t have been so damn selfish.

 

“I’m sorry,” he started to babble, repeating it over and over and over again, unable to stop. He just couldn’t stop.

 

“Enough, Betty!,” Reggie said. “Stop this, look what you’re doing to him!”

 

“Me? I think we both know that it’s you who has done this to him! I am tasked with bringing him back to reality. A horrible reality but something you two have to face nonetheless. This has to stop!”

 

At this point he was sobbing, his vision blurry with the tears still streaming down his face. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t deal with this. Not like this.

 

Then he felt Reggie cup his cheeks, wiping those tears away.

 

“Delsin?,” he whispered. “Do you want to stop?”

 

He had to decide. Here and now he had to decide how the rest of his life would look like. Somehow he felt it should be harder, that he should hesitate for longer.

 

“N-no,” he stammered between sobs.

 

Reggie tugged him close then, his strong arms still supporting him, protecting him. Even after what he had done, his brother had forgiven him and was completely and unapologetically on his side.

 

“Then we won’t stop,” Reggie told Betty, whose lips curled in disgust. “I love him and he loves me, we’re not hurting anyone.”

 

“You’re hurting each other,” she said. “Even if you can’t see it yet. I’m sorry but…”

 

She paused, and what little relief Delsin had felt at his brother’s words vanished in an instant. Something terrible would come out, some terrible words he couldn’t even imagine yet. But the dread was there, the sinking feeling that it was all over.

 

“You are Akomish no longer.”

 

Whatever Delsin had dreaded, it hadn’t been this. Not this. Not his identity, taken from him.

 

For a moment he couldn’t do anything, for a moment it looked like there was a crack in his vision and it all seemed surreal. Then the tears were back, the sobs, the shaking, worse than ever before.

 

“No, no, please Betty no, please don’t do this, I’m begging you please, please,” he was begging her, on his knees he was begging her not to do this, to strip him of this place where he belonged, where he had family.

 

Delsin kept babbling, he couldn’t stop himself, desperately hoping that if he begged enough she would give in and change her mind. But Betty’s face was a mask, a steel mask that betrayed no other emotion than disgust.

 

“You will leave this place,” she continued over his senseless begging, addressing his brother now. “You will leave and not return. You are not welcome here anymore.”

 

He was sobbing and begging like a child, squirming against his brother when he suddenly picked him up. But Reggie’s grip was steel, he wasn’t letting him go.

 

“All right. We will leave.” He hesitated for a moment, taking one step back but turning towards Betty again. “Don’t come after us, don’t tell anyone about this. Please. Do that… for him.”

 

Delsin paused for a moment, feeling the shock settle in him. Reggie was almost holding him like a small child, his legs wrapped around his brother. Right now he felt like one too, as he expectantly looked at the woman that had always been like a mother to him. For a few agonizingly slow moments nothing happened, but then… then she nodded.

 

“Fine. Go.”

 

“No, Betty please, please I love you!,” he called out as Reggie carried him away, giving him a perfect view of her as she turned away from him one final time.

 

His words once more turned into sobs as Reggie set him down in the passenger seat of the truck, making sure he was strapped in. Then his sobs turned into a numbing silence on their way back to their home, the day’s shopping lost and forgotten. It still felt surreal, even as his tears dried. He had known nothing but this place since he was born, he had seen Seattle only once and that was during what could only be described as a war.

 

Leaving on their own terms would have been different. Doing it by choice meant they could still go back and visit, could still be a part of this tribe, this family. Now this was taken from them. Would it mean leaving all their traditions behind? Their clothes, their rituals? Would they bring shame if they continued adhering to them?

 

These thoughts made him dizzy and nauseated, when Reggie picked him up to carry him inside he shook his head, instead pushed him away and collapsed onto the ground. The gravel dug into his hands as he keeled over and threw up, retching up the morning’s breakfast. He felt a soothing hand on his back, sliding up to then hold his hair out of his face, the gesture somehow intimate. When he was done he was offered a bottle of water to rinse out his mouth.

 

He sniffled softly when his mouth didn’t taste like absolute shit anymore, and the tears threatened to overwhelm him again.

 

“I can’t do this Reggie,” he sobbed. “Everything’s spinning, I can’t… I can’t…”

 

“Shh, shh it’s okay,” he whispered softly, once again embracing and lifting him in that way that made Delsin feel like a little child again. “Rest now, sleep. I will take care of everything.”

 

“But I was supposed to take care of you…”

 

“I’m your big brother, aren’t I?,” Reggie said with a smile. “I’ll always take care of you.”

 

Delsin curled up where Reggie set him down on the couch, suddenly completely exhausted. Tears were still coming, and his brother knelt in front of him. Ever so softly he started to hum, a tune he vaguely remembered from many years ago. From when their mother had still been alive. Deep down, Reggie remembered too. Just gazing into his brother’s eyes seemed to bring him some form of peace, and after a while the tears finally stopped.

 

Soothingly Reggie brushed streaks of hair out of his face, and leaned down to kiss his forehead, the tip of his nose, his lips. He lingered there, reassuring, strong. And with Reggie by his side Delsin finally fell asleep, knocked out completely after the shock had overwhelmed his body.

 

He was plagued then by terrible nightmares, Betty and her words haunting him every second that he was asleep. Wrong. Disgusting. Deplorable. Over and over he heard it, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t escape, couldn’t run away. Not even the gentle words his brother whispered to him could reach him, drowned out by the terror he felt.

 

When he woke up he didn’t feel rested at all, his whole body seemed to hurt, and he was plagued by a terrible headache. Clutching the side of his head, he forced himself to sit up, his vision momentarily going black. Maybe he was dehydrated, Delsin wasn’t sure if that much crying could do that, either way the knowledge of what happened settled in again, and he felt himself unable to get up and get something to drink.

 

He looked around then, squinting through his headache. Something about their living room was different, and it wasn’t just that it was dark, with only the moon shedding a small amount of light. It was… emptier than it had been, as was the adjoining kitchen. The magnets on their fridge were gone, so was the dish rack by the sink. It all seemed so familiar, and yet slightly different. When he finally noticed that their TV was gone too, he jumped up - had they been robbed without him noticing?

 

“Reggie!,” he called out in a panic, his vision black again from the rapid movement. “Reggie help!”

 

His brother came dashing from the bedroom, and immediately he was by his side, holding him.

 

“What is it?,” he asked.

 

“We’ve been robbed! What happened?!” Delsin couldn’t believe that his brother wasn’t noticing this! Was he blind?

 

“We haven’t been robbed, sweetheart,” Reggie said gently, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I packed.”

 

“W-what? Why?”

 

“We have to leave, remember?” There was pity in his brother’s eyes, and for the first time Delsin felt the way he had whenever someone heard he had lost his memory. It sucked.

 

“But now? Right away? What about… about everything?”

 

He thought he had been all cried out, he thought his headache couldn’t get worse anymore but here he was, crying and clutching his head, melting in his brother’s embrace. He hadn’t realised that they would need to leave right away, in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to anyone. But could he have really done that, knowing Betty was there, judging them? Maybe this was better. Leave and never come back. Once Betty told everyone he wouldn’t want to look them in the eyes anyway. Somehow he couldn’t trust that she would keep this to herself.

 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Reggie whispered. “This is better. Everything’s ready. We can leave whenever you want.”

 

“D-do we have some water?,” he asked, gladly accepting the bottle his brother gave him, gulping half of it down immediately.

 

He turned to face his home again. One last time. Once he stepped out that door, it would cease to be their home, it would just be another house for someone else to live in. He let his hand wander over the back of their couch as he walked along its length, vague memories of the four of them cuddling on it and watching TV came to his mind. Sometimes he couldn’t remember his parents’ faces, sometimes he had to go and look at their pictures to be able to see them. He would never stop feeling guilty about that.

 

Bottle still in hand, he slowly wandered down the hallway, completely empty now without the pictures hanging on the walls. Silence had settled, Reggie didn’t stop him as he pressed a hand to that wall, remembering how they had put up these pictures. One had just been of the two of them, together, smiling and taking a selfie. It had been their little secret, the one date they had gone on back before Delsin had been a Conduit. Reggie had taken him to Vancouver, far enough away that no one would know them, close enough that they were able to afford it.

 

He wiped away a tear that was rolling down his cheek, stifled the sob that was threatening to escape his lips.

 

Delsin’s own room was quite bare, but i had been that way even before Reggie had packed everything up. A few art supplies had been stored here, some clothes, other things they didn’t always need. But then he had all but moved into his brother’s room, taken with him what he needed.

 

His brother’s room. Their room. It looked strange without all the clutter in it, the closet completely empty. The quilt that was on the bed during the day was gone, so was Delsin’s favourite pillows. The memories that were created here would stay. Good and bad ones. Their first time together, their first fight about their relationship, and everything in between.

 

Warmth engulfed him from behind, his brother’s strong arms holding him tightly. Reggie was still silent, and Delsin wondered what he felt when he looked at this room. It seemed so much easier for his big brother to do this, did he feel nothing at all? To him, was it just another empty room?

 

“I… have this image, a- a memory,” Reggie said softly. “I think I was stressed and I opened the door… and there you were. With good food and beers and a kiss for me. Did that really happen?”

 

Delsin had to bite down on his lower lip to keep himself from letting out a choked sob.

 

“Y-yes it did,” he stammered. A memory. As small as it was it was still a memory they both shared, one that came back to Reggie. Maybe in time there would be more.

 

Delsin remembered that day. They had texted on and off and it had become clear that Reggie was totally overwhelmed at work. He knew that he couldn’t bother him there, that would only stress him more. So he had prepared a small indoor picnic with what they had at home, had biked to the nearest store to get his brother some beers, a rare treat. Reggie had been so relieved at the sight of him, and they had cuddled. Just cuddled, and somehow it was more intimate than many times they had had sex. Delsin had been so happy knowing he had helped his brother relieve his stress.

 

He turned around in his brother’s embrace, the bottle of water falling on the floor, rolling away as he clung to his big brother tightly. He wondered for how long he would be this emotional, crying, stopping again, shaking, then crying once more. He had never felt like this before, so confused, angry and sad. A deeper sadness he had only felt when Reggie had fallen into the ocean.

 

“I’m ready,” he whispered against his brother’s broad chest. “I’m ready, we can go.”

 

“Okay. Hey-” Reggie held him back when he was about to pass him to go go the truck, pulled him back in to suddenly kiss him. An arm around his waist, one hand on Delsin’s thigh, he dipped him, and when he came up again he had to giggle. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Arm in arm they left the house, not looking back again. This part of their lives was over now. There would be no going back.

 

Delsin started to shiver when the cold night air hit him, and Reggie pulled out one of his big sweaters to put on him. He sighed at the scent and the warmth. He had always loved wearing them. Along with it and some more supplies he settled in on the passenger seat. He offered to drive, but not having a license Reggie insisted that he would, despite not sleeping all night.

 

“I don’t feel tired,” he said, smiling. He didn’t look tired either, and that’s when Delsin remembered that Reggie was a Conduit too. They still had no idea what he could do. Maybe soon they would find out.

 

He couldn’t help but give their house a small wave as Reggie pulled out onto the street, and gave him a small smile.

 

“Bye house,” he sighed, looking out the window to the side where he wouldn’t see any of the other houses pass by. He didn’t want to see them again, or the long house, he didn’t want to be reminded of what he was losing.

 

“We’re past now,” Reggie told him, so he was able to look up again, ahead at the long, endless road.

 

Delsin didn’t ask where they were going, he was sure that his brother had a plan. He just curled up in his seat, ignoring the seat belt. Even if they did have an accident, he wouldn’t die. He would just heal, like he always did.

 

So he just looked ahead, watched as the sun rose on the horizon, trying to find some sort of peace again. After a while Reggie stopped and they stretched their legs, walking and holding each other, silence between them. There were no words at the moment, they both knew they were facing something huge - a new start, only the two of them. There was no one else they could rely on, no safety net.

 

He couldn’t even talk to Eugene and Fetch anymore.

 

He nodded off again the next time they started driving, still feeling so exhausted and ready to cry at any moment. When he woke up that next time, they had stopped. It took him a while to figure out where they were, but the busy parking lot, the noise, it all quickly pointed to Seattle airport.

 

“What are we doing here?,” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

 

“Now… tell me if you don’t like the idea but… I was thinking,” Reggie took in a deep breath. Delsin had never seen him this nervous before. “Hawaii.”

 

Delsin’s eyes widened. Did he remember how they had always wanted to go? Was it ingrained in him deep down, and this is why Hawaii was his first suggestion? Even if it wasn’t, Delsin was thrilled at the idea, although all he could manage at the moment was a weak smile.

 

“I love you, Reggie.”

 

“So uhm… is that a yes?”

 

“Yes… Yes, it’s a yes.”

 

They hugged tightly in that truck, both a little giddy at the prospect. With only their wallets, their clothes on their backs and nothing else they walked towards the terminal. Delsin wasn’t quite brave enough to hold his brother’s hand here, feeling that the chance someone would recognize them was too high. Together they walked back and forth, talking to different companies to get their boxes shipped over, then finally searching for the next flight to Honolulu.

 

At least money wasn’t an issue, Delsin thought when he saw the horrendous last minute prices for a non stop flight to Honolulu. But while they were at it, he upgraded them to first class with a big grin on his face.

 

“It’s on me, kiddo,” he said, turning to Reggie and winking at him, who had a really hard time not bursting into a giggle fit right in front of the clerk.

 

When they had their tickets he was unable to hold back any longer, laughing so hard that tears formed at the corner of his eyes. He was clinging to Delsin, who thought that he had never seen a sight more beautiful than his brother laughing to his heart’s content. Looking around quickly, he then stood on tiptoe and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, which immediately sobered Reggie up.

 

He wiped away his tears of laughter, smiled gently down at him now as he cupped his cheeks. Delsin’s heart was racing as he leaned down to kiss him, hands clinging to Reggie’s wrists.

 

“Too much?,” Reggie asked, but Delsin shook his head.

 

“No just… oh boy. That’s the first time that you ever kissed me like that. Where people can see.”

 

“There’ll be lots more of that soon.”

 

Delsin giggled when Reggie’s arm slid around him, his hand coming to rest on his waist. Together they strolled through the airport, wasting time before their long, long flight. Even though it was non stop they had a few hours to kill, and Delsin delighted in ordering cocktails and food for them, ignoring the horrendous flight prices. He got so giddy that he even told his brother to join him in the bathroom for a quickie. It was a lot less exciting than he thought it would be, trying to maneuver in the very limited space there, but hey, now at least he could say he was part of the mile high club. And the closeness to Reggie helped calm him down, the orgasm at least for a while made him forget what had happened.

 

The moment they set foot outside Honolulu’s airport Delsin practically ripped Reggie’s sweater off of him. The contrast to Seattle was stark, but he loved it. Taking in a deep breath, he couldn’t help but feel… this might be good. Down the line… maybe it would become good.

 

Reggie took his hand then, intertwining their fingers and they shared a smile. A long smile before his brother hailed a cab, asking for the nearest nice beach. Delsin’s face was pressed to the window the entire time, taking in the new scenery, the palm trees, the different houses, the brightly shining sun.

 

Before he went running to the beach, he dragged his brother into the nearest clothes store.

 

“I need sunglasses, Reg! And, and shorts and a top and maybe a hat-”

 

“Please no hat, Del,” Reggie begged, fingers carding through Delsin’s hair. “Your hair is so lovely…”

 

“Fine,” Delsin sighed. “But just because you asked so nicely.”

 

He still went off rummaging through the store, trying out sunglasses and eventually settling on a pair of large square ones, along with a pale pink crop top and black shorts that went just below his butt. He got flip flops too but for now he decided to go barefoot, deciding that Reggie needed a blue shirt with flowers on it, as well as shorts that were of course longer than Delsin’s.

 

They bought a few other things, a change of clothes, stuffing it all into a newly bought bag. Only then did they make their way to the beach, where Delsin decided to take off running towards the ocean. He had always loved the ocean, and it was reassuring to know it was still close by. Giggling, he kicked the water, splashing it towards Reggie who was smiling but keeping a safe distance.

 

“I love it here!,” he blurted out, running towards his brother who picked him up by the waist, hands on naked skin, twirling him around.

 

“Me too, Delsin. Me too.”

 

Delsin ended up wrapping his legs around Reggie, and finally, finally giving in. Right here, out in the open among swimmers, sunbathers and tourists they kissed. Kissed deeply unmistakably a couple and not brothers to anyone around them. It was freeing to do this, exhilarating like nothing he had ever experienced before. And when someone shouted at them to get a room, Reggie just flipped them off and they both had to laugh.

 

“Maybe we should get a room though,” Delsin whispered, cupping his brother’s cheeks and giving him a look he hoped conveyed how badly he wanted to sleep with him right now.

 

“I think there’s a hotel nearby,” Reggie breathed, having only eyes for him.

 

“Is it expensive?,” Delsin asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Giggling, Reggie grabbed their bag and, holding hands, they dashed off along the beach, where Delsin made a point to stick out his tongue to the guy that had yelled at them before. He barely felt his exhaustion now, not when he was so eager to be with his brother properly again. Delsin wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings, not when he had the most beautiful man in the world by his side, smiling so wonderfully.

 

Until he wasn’t smiling anymore.

 

“Reggie-”

 

He barely got the name out when he let go of Delsin’s hand, and suddenly dashed off, the bag dropped on the sidewalk. It registered too late what was going on, that his brother was suddenly running into the road, that there was a little girl there who had fallen, was crying and couldn’t get up. His body flickered into smoke the instant he noticed the car, but it was too late at that point even with his powers.

 

The sound was horrible, like an explosion, and Delsin assumed human form again, frozen in place.

 

“No no no no no.”

 

This couldn’t be happening, not now when they were about to make a new start! What had Reggie been thinking running into the road like that he couldn’t go on against a car! If Delsin thought he had felt horrible the day before, it was nothing compared to thinking Reggie was gone all over again. People were screaming, calling for an ambulance, someone was tugging on his wrist and he let himself be pulled.

 

One step was all he took before he saw it.

 

The car had crashed. Against something hard. It was totaled. How?

 

Just beyond the front of it he started to see something…. Grow. Dark, dark blue rock, forming a crystallic shape out from a middle point. Delsin hadn’t seen anything like it before, a material so hard it stopped a car mid-drive.

 

“D-Delsin!”

 

The voice spurred him into motion, and when he passed the wreck - noticing only vaguely that others were pulling the driver out of his seat - he saw his brother. Crouching there, engulfed by rock and crystal was his brother, shielding the little girl with his body.

 

“Holy shit,” he blurted out, taking it all in. “You- you-”

 

“I can’t move, Delsin.”

 

If it weren’t for the shock still in his body Delsin might have laughed, but Reggie really was frozen in place. The girl seemed as calm as if she had just taken a nap, but the two women nearby who seemed to be her parents were getting increasingly worried.

 

Well. Maybe this one time Delsin could take care of his brother in turn.

 

He closed the distance between them, and kneeled in front of his brother, ignoring the girl for now. Even Reggie’s forearms were covered in the rock, the warm, gentle rock, Delsin noticed as he put his hands on it. This was his brother’s power. Not to destroy, not to hurt, but to protect.

 

“I know it’s scary, Reg,” he said in a soothing tone, rubbing over his arms and the connecting rock. Beautiful, unlike Augustine. “But this is a part of you, this is who you are. You’re a protector, a gentle, beautiful person. And you can control this. Take a deep breath, and relax. You have done your job, the girl is safe, and so are you. Now come back to me.”

 

Reggie sighed then, completely mesmerised by his words. And when he did, the rock retracted, grew smaller and smaller until it vanished inside him once more. All but a tiny bit of it that clattered onto the ground, a piece that Delsin quickly scooped up and put into his pocket. When the little girl was free, a beautiful kid with lovely brown eyes and dark hair, she skipped a little and went straight to hugging Reggie. Then she twirled around in her ballerina dress…. And curtsied.

 

“You’re my hero now, Reg,” she said, beaming at him and immediately going for another hug.

 

Reggie looked good like that, with a kid in his arms. He was so gentle and sweet, he had so much love to give. He would make such a wonderful father if only- if it weren’t for him. They could never adopt.

 

Delsin watched as Reggie picked up the little girl, chatting to her sweetly and distracting her from the chaos that was all around them. He pushed the thoughts away, they were just starting out, surely his brother wasn’t thinking about kids.

 

It didn’t work, he was still thinking about it.

 

He saw the two women running up to Reggie now, one of them, a blonde, just barely stopping in front of him.

 

“I don’t know you,” she said. “But can I please hug you?”

 

Reggie had to laugh at that, then agreed, returning her hug just as eagerly as she was giving it. Delsin was glad that his brother’s first experience as a Conduit had been a good one, as it seemed the driver had survived too. No one here seemed to be scared of him, they all gathered around and congratulated Reggie, who for a moment seemed to forget that Delsin was nearby. But then he reached out for him, just as he was handing the girl back to her mother. He went reluctantly, suddenly feeling out of place. But if his brother needed him, then he would come.

 

Except the closer he got to his brother the angrier he felt, the more scared and confused so that by the time he reached him, he was poking a finger at his chest.

 

“How dare you do this to me!,” he started yelling, poking his chest again and again. “You had no idea you would grow frickin’ rock around you! You would have died you idiot and I would have been alone again you idiot, you idiot, you idiot!”

 

Reggie let him rage against him, and while he was babbling that word over and over again he pulled him close into a hug. Delsin was still angry, but he was crying again, the shock still in his body, but he was also so relieved.

 

“I’m proud of you, you idiot,” Delsin mumbled then, hiding his face in his brother’s broad chest.

 

“I’m sorry,” Reggie whispered, kissing the top of his head.

 

Most people had given them a bit of space by now, and the girl’s parents insisted on their phone numbers so they could take them out to dinner. Maybe they would be their first new friends, who knew… After dealing with the police they were exhausted - even more so than before - and started to walk arm in arm towards the nearest hotel. Delsin was clinging to his brother tightly, unwilling to let him run off again to throw himself in front of another car. When he yawned, Reggie offered him a piggyback ride.

 

“Are you serious?,” Delsin asked, grinning.

 

“Yup,” Reggie simply said, and knelt so Delsin could climb on him. Which he did. Enthusiastically. But his brother was like a rock, unmoving, just picked him up and kept walking.

 

The receptionist at the hotel had a big grin on her face when she saw them, and welcomed them without hesitation.

 

“Honeymoon?,” she asked.

 

“Yes,” Delsin blurted out before his brother could say anything else. “So if you have a suite we’ll take that! Money isn’t an issue.”

 

“I love saying that,” he whispered into Reggie’s ear, who had to once more hold back not to giggle right here.

 

“In that case, I’ll gladly upgrade you. And for how long will you be staying?”

 

“Erm… indefinite,” Delsin said. They had a lot of things to figure out. “If we have to switch rooms at one point that’s fine.”

 

“I’ll do what I can to help you out,” she said, a little confused at his request but dealing with it in her professional manner. “That’s your credit card back, and here’s your key, top floor.”

 

“Onward!,” Delsin called out to Reggie, who apologised to the clerk before making his way upstairs.

 

The room was, simply put, fantastic. There were only a few on this floor, and their opened up into a large living room area with a plush red carpet over white marble, a bar to the left, a sitting area with a large red couch and some armchairs to the right. Beyond the living room was a large front door, leading out to a terrace with a pool that went right to the edge of the building, where one could seemingly fall right over. Delsin was torn between finding it awesome and terrifying, but what drew his attention then was the bed that was visible through a door on their far right.

 

It was huge.

 

A damn huge four poster bed of dark wood with red curtains, golden highlights embroidered on it like vines. Delsin wanted to get fucked in that bed, badly. Reggie seemed to sense what he wanted, and made straight for it where he playfully let Delsin fall. He giggled, welcoming Reggie when he covered him with his strong body, kissing him passionately. Their clothes were quickly discarded, their bodies pressing together and he could feel his brother’s big cock growing hard against him.

 

And suddenly, he was sobbing.

 

“Delsin?” Reggie pulled away immediately, cupping his cheek, his thumb trying to brush those tears away but unable to keep up with their flow.

 

“Oh fuck I don’t know what’s happening.” He couldn’t stop it, not the tears or his choked sobs. “I’m sorry, Reg, I made you stop.”

 

“Hey, hey… shhh,” Reggie soothed, pulling the blanket over both of them. “You know I’m with you because I love you, not because of the sex. Don’t apologise, okay? It’s been a really long day, I shouldn’t have tried to do this. We both need rest.”

 

“I’m a mess…,” he sighed, cuddling close to his brother while trying to ignore his erection until Reggie put a pillow between them, shrugging awkwardly.

 

“It’ll go away, this is about you Delsin, okay? Oh sweetheart… let it all out.”

 

He nodded against his brother’s chest, and let go, crying his heart out even though he didn’t understand why. Delsin didn’t know how long it took for him to stop crying this time, but when he was done Reggie drew a bath for them, cuddling in the huge tub together. It felt nice, being naked and intimate together but not having sex. Delsin couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Not ever. Considering he had run off with Reggie and left his entire life behind, he had pretty much committed. But the thought wasn’t scary, it was the opposite. Knowing he would be together with Reggie forever made him feel safe and protected.

 

Delsin felt at peace once more. His brother took care of him, as he always did, drying him off and setting him down on the backless chair in front of a mirror by the bed. He stood behind him then, a brush in his hand, then stopping to look at it as if he didn’t understand where it had come from.

 

“I remember this,” Reggie said softly.

 

Delsin perked up at that, watching his brother behind him through the mirror.

 

“I remember doing this for you,” he continued. “Brushing your hair. You used to love it.”

 

“I still do,” Delsin whispered.

 

They hadn’t done this in a while, their lives had been too tumultuous, and Delsin has been so focused on not pressuring Reggie about what had been. But now his brother carded his fingers through his dried hair, and gently set to work brushing it. His eyes closed on instinct, this was where he had always felt most relaxed. Reggie was so careful with the brush, making sure that he didn’t hurt him even if there were knots in his hair.

 

Delsin wished he could purr, it felt so perfect. He wondered if Reggie was still counting in his head, a hundred brushes to make his hair shiny and perfect. Then he heard him mutter under his breath… sixty five, sixty six… and a smile spread on his face. He opened his eyes to watch his brother work, saw the concentration on his face but he looked just as peaceful as Delsin felt.

 

His hair did appear even shinier once Reggie was done, and Delsin turned to hug his brother where he stood, his face pressed to his stomach. His brother’s hand came to rest on his head, the other to cup the back of his neck.

 

“Let’s go to bed, Delsin.”

 

When he was lying on that large bed with his brother by his side, kissing him, holding him, Delsin knew that things would be okay. It would still hurt for a very long time, Delsin knew that. For a long time he would forget that he couldn’t go back anymore, and when he remembered it would hurt all the more. But these thoughts would fade, he hoped, at least eventually. Now new things lay ahead of them, a lot of work they had to do, build a life from scratch but this… it excited Delsin. No more hiding.

 

“It’s going to be okay,” Reggie whispered as he held him, reassuring Delsin as well as himself.

 

“I know, Reg,” he said, sighing as sleep was overtaking him. “I know.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I'll do an epilogue for this, thanks to everyone reading!


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months later, Delsin and Reggie have made a home.

Delsin woke up to the soothing sound of waves gently lapping at the beach, of birds circling overhead and calling out. He refused to open his eyes for a while, welcoming the soft breeze gently caressing his bare chest, soaking up the scent of saltwater. He woke up with a smile, as he tended to these days. 

 

He blindly reached out, but found the bed next to him empty. Crinkling his nose in disapproval, he finally opened his eyes to see that Reggie was indeed not by his side. Right, there had been an early appointment. Barefoot he got up, throwing on one of Reggie’s shirts to make himself coffee, but not without stopping at the open bedroom window, to close his eyes and take a deep breath. 

 

He could not get enough of the sight, of living by the beach, of having this paradise right outside his window. 

 

Reggie would be at their shop now, preparing to offer boat tours to the tourists coming here, something they had stopped being quite a while ago. Honolulu was their home now, and it felt good living here. Technically they didn’t need the job, but they both loved doing this, and Reggie… Reggie seemed at home on the sea. They had found happiness here. 

 

At first they had travelled, unsure whether they should just settle down at the first place they saw but it didn’t take long for them to realise that this was perfect already. That a house on the beach was comforting, in a place where not too many tourists were around. Everything had been in Delsin’s name at first, and as soon as he could, Reggie changed his. He had seized to be a Rowe, and had become a Morgan, so the way he introduced himself wasn’t a lie anymore. 

 

Delsin would never forget the day they moved in, when Reggie had wrapped an arm around him, pulled him close and introduced themselves. 

 

“I’m Reggie…. Morgan,” he had said. “And this is my boyfriend Delsin.” 

 

He had wanted to laugh and cry and scream how much he loved him at that moment, but he had held back and instead greeted their new neighbour with a big smile. His boyfriend. They were boyfriends now. No more hiding, no more guilt or shame. The latter would be harder to get rid of, but by now, months later, it didn’t hurt so much anymore. 

 

Betty’s word still rang out inside his mind sometimes. He still woke up with a cold shiver when they haunted him in his dreams. The feeling would never completely go away, he would never be completely okay with what happened. They had left behind everything, their tribe, their friends in the reservation. He had tossed his phone and gotten a new one, cut himself off even from Fetch and Eugene, or any other friends he could have possibly had back there. Back where people knew. 

 

But the pain was something dull at the back of his mind now, it wasn’t a sharp sting in his heart every day anymore. He shook his head to think of the day ahead, started to prepare a lunch to bring out to Reggie so they could spend some time together before he would continue with the portrait commission sitting in his studio. He was painting now, professionally. 

 

And he was still learning. He had never had a formal education in this, had taught himself everything he could. There had never been money for that sort of thing, and Reggie had to scrape just to get him a few nicer paints for his birthday. Now he could get whatever he wanted, soaked up the knowledge from the local college like a sponge. And on top of that, he was the one who could now pamper Reggie to his heart’s content. 

 

For the first week in their new home that meant taking him out to dinner, for the second one that meant having steak every night. That may seem ridiculous to some, but it had been such a rare treat for them that now it was simply a luxury they wanted to treat themselves to. Delsin found that he… liked to take care of his man, in every way possible. He started to get into cooking, more than the occasional can of ready made ravioli, relishing in the smile that brought to Reggie’s face. And when they started to set up their business he was there at the end of the day to massage his shoulders and make him feel good, to help him relax. More often than not that meant sex. 

 

A lot of it. 

 

Not having to hide also meant not having to hold back when they made love. For the first time they dared to have sex outside of the bedroom, and they certainly took many opportunities to try it out. The kitchen counter, the kitchen table, the rug in front of the TV, the couch, the shower, even the bit of floor right behind the front door one time because they just couldn’t wait. Delsin relished in not having to press a hand to his mouth when they were at home, being able to just moan as loudly as he wanted to, to finally truly express how Reggie made him feel. 

 

Delsin had to grin as he was making lunch, thinking of how to seduce his brother that day. The shorts he would wear would certainly help, along with the white button up shirt he pointedly decided not to button up at all. He was whistling as he made the trip to their small office with the attached boat house, a twenty minute trip on foot, but Delsin liked walking there, loved basking in the sun’s rays, letting the ocean breeze ruffle his now shoulder length hair. Reggie seemed to be in love with his hair as much as he was in love with him, and he was mostly growing it out for him, although he couldn’t deny that it suited him. Besides… when Reggie grabbed it when they made love the additional tug made him go crazy. 

 

“Theere he is,” Delsin mumbled to himself, watching Reggie just bring in the boat. 

 

Shirtless. Of course he was shirtless and oh how he loved when his brother did that. All broad back and muscles tensing, flexing under his gorgeous skin as he was pulling the boat into its house. He could watch him work all day and sometimes… sometimes that’s what he did, sketching him at the same time. He had tons of sketches of him, and now he didn’t have to hide them anymore. Reggie was his muse, Reggie could always inspire him if he was stuck in a rut. Just one stroke of that gorgeous form, the curve of his back or the smile playing on his lips could make it all go away. 

 

“One of these days you’re going to stand here drooling over him, won’t you?” Lana, Reggie’s receptionist and all around helper, had come out to greet him. 

 

“Could you blame me?,” he asked, waving into Reggie’s general direction. 

 

She crossed her arms, her dark eyes focusing on him for a moment before she sighed. 

 

“No, not really…” 

 

Giggling and chatting they went inside where Delsin plopped down in Reggie’s seat to eagerly await him. While he did, he set out the spread he had made for him, a quinoa salad, fried shrimp with a cocktail dip, and baked potatoes. 

 

“Potatoes, again?,” Lana asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“What can I say, my man likes potatoes. And I like to make my man happy.” He kicked his feet in eager anticipation, and jumped up as soon as Reggie came in through the back. 

 

Drops of water were still clinging to Reggie’s pecks, rolling down over his powerful torso, and again Delsin had to hold back or he’d start drooling. But then he remembered he didn’t have to hold back too much- and jumped him. Literally jumped him. Reggie had expected this, caught him in time to let him wrap his legs around him and kissed him passionately. 

 

“I missed you too my songbird,” Reggie said, nuzzling his nose. He tended to come up with ridiculously cheesy nicknames, and Delsin relished in hearing them. 

 

“I brought lunch, sugarbuns,” he said, giggling at his own ridiculous nickname. Then he let his hands rest on those pecks, humming approvingly. “Come and take a break.” 

 

“Gladly.” 

 

Lana ended up going out for lunch when they started feeding each other. And kissing in between morsels. There was more kissing than feeding in the end, when Delsin decided he was hungry for something else. Back in the reservation he would have never considered going down on Reggie in a semi public space. Even though he knew the door was locked, the rush of excitement turned him on in ways he had never considered before. 

 

Reggie cursed softly when Delsin kissed him, sharing the taste of his come. He had to grin as he settled in his brother’s lap again, his life was pretty damn perfect right now. They could go travel the world, or stay here, basically do whatever they wanted. The thought was still surreal to him sometimes. 

 

His heart was still light as he parted ways with his brother again, knowing that soon he would come home and they could do more than just go down on each other. Perhaps he was thinking about sex a bit too much, but could he be blamed when his brother was just that damn attractive? He had to chuckle to himself as he fumbled for his keys, couldn’t even be mad at himself when he dropped them onto the sidewalk. Someone else picked them up at the same time as he reached down for them. 

 

“Oh thanks-,” Delsin froze in place as he righted himself up, and stared into Fetch’s face. 

 

Eugene was right there too. Fetch and Eugene, invading his safe space. Had they followed him? How on earth had they found him? Most importantly, what had they seen? 

 

“What, no hug, no nothing?,” Fetch asked as she played with the keys in her hand, let them swirl around her fingers. 

 

“D-Delsin?,” Eugene’s voice was quiet, but full of worry. 

 

He couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything he was so scared. He had thought that he had left that kind of fear behind him. He was too tired of it, he couldn’t deal with it anymore. How could he go from happy to scared out of his damn mind in mere seconds?

 

“God, you’re going pale, relax, Delsin,” Fetch huffed and pressed his keys into his hand. “We were fucking worried about you, man! Why did you just vanish?” 

 

“I- I- I-,” he stammered, unable to think of anything except his brother who’s dick he had sucked just a while ago. 

 

“Delsin, please don’t be scared of us,” Eugene had come up to him now, his small hand on Delsin’s shoulder. “Really, we were just worried.” 

 

“I’m fine,” Delsin said lamely. “Seriously.” 

 

“You don’t really look it…,” Fetch crossed her arms and gave him a once over. “Isn’t this your house? Care to invite us in?” 

 

He really didn’t want to. His mind was racing, trying to think of a way to send them off before Reggie came home, but he came up blank. The rest of his mind was a blind panic as he walked towards their house and unlocked the door, Eugene and Fetch following behind. He didn’t even think of offering them anything to drink, all he could do was sink down in his comfy armchair by the fireplace in their living room and wait for the two of them to settle on the couch. All his strength and his enthusiasm about the day was suddenly gone, he couldn’t even look at them right now. They would find out. It would be like Betty all over again. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t do this again. 

 

“Why did you leave, Delsin?,” Fetch asked, and now she sounded worried too. He wasn’t sure if he preferred that, or the angry tone she had taken before. “Without telling us. I thought… I thought we were friends.” 

 

“We were,” he said hoarsely, running a hand through his hair. 

 

“Then why?,” she asked again. 

 

“I… just had to go.” 

 

“Bullshit. We came all this way thinking who knows what happened to you and now you’re here with a nice house and looking happy, what the fuck, Delsin?” 

 

“You can tell us,” Eugene said softly. 

 

“No I can’t… I can’t tell anyone,” he said, and he was shaking now. “Just please… It’s better this way, please just go.” 

 

“Not without an explanation.” Fetch was damn stubborn, and when Delsin finally looked at her he could tell she wouldn’t move from this very spot without a good reason. 

 

“I can’t!,” he blurted out again, raising his voice. “Don’t you understand? There was a reason I didn’t tell anyone. Because I  _ can’t  _ tell anyone. I can’t go through this again, I just want to be happy.” 

 

Eugene practically flinched as he raised his voice, and Fetch completely deflated. Now her anger turned into sadness, as she didn’t look away, but instead locked eyes with Delsin. 

 

“What on earth could be so terrible that you can’t tell us? After all we’ve been through,” her voice was soft now, hurt. 

 

As if on cue, the front door opened, and Reggie stepped inside. Delsin’s eyes went wide as he watched his brother come closer. 

 

“I was able to close up earlier, Lana is taking care of ev- Oh.” 

 

“You’re here with your brother?,” Fetch raised one eyebrow as she looked back and forth between them, and Delsin could see that his brother was going through exactly the same thoughts that were plaguing him now. “What the hell is going on, Delsin?” 

 

“Fetch… and Eugene,” Reggie said, without emotion. “What are you doing here? How did you find us?”

 

Eugene seemed to blush a little as he held up his hand for a moment. 

 

“It was pretty difficult, but I managed to track you. I swear I only did it because I was worried.” 

 

Suddenly Reggie rushed towards Eugene, grabbing his shoulders, but Fetch was immediately there to push him back with surprising strength. Reggie almost fell back over the coffee table, but managed to catch himself in time. 

 

“Can anyone else find us?,” he asked, directing the question to Eugene. 

 

“Uhm… probably not,” he admitted. 

 

Fetch was still standing protectively over Eugene, her gaze wandering from Reggie to Delsin and back again. 

 

“Why are you so scared to be found?,” she asked slowly, as if her mind was still working, was close to working out the exact reason. 

 

“Reggie,” Delsin whimpered, feeling like a lost little boy. He needed his big brother right now, he couldn’t handle this on his own. He couldn’t. Betty’s voice rang out in his head again and again, and he started to rock back and forth, fingers curling in his hair. “I can’t, I can’t.” 

 

A few moments passed, as silence settled between them, and he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, sliding over his back to rub it gently. Strong arms wrapped around him then, and he went without hesitation, melting against Reggie’s strong chest. The way he felt, the way his scent completely enveloped him would always manage to calm him down. 

 

“Shh, Delsin, it’s okay, we’re gonna be okay,” he whispered softly. 

 

“What is this?,” Fetch asked, her voice higher pitched than before, and Delsin’s stomach sank. She had figured it out, hadn’t she? 

 

“We’re not hurting anyone,” Reggie told her. “We understand that this isn’t… isn’t what’s normal. That’s why we left. To have a chance at a life. I’m begging you to just leave us and not tell anyone about this. Hate us all you want if you must, but please, for Delsin, keep this secret.” 

 

“I… I don’t understand,” Eugene whispered softly. 

 

From over Reggie’s shoulder Delsin could see his confused look. 

 

“We love each other, Eugene,” Reggie explained calmly. “We’re boyfriends.” 

 

“Oh…” His eyes went wide then, as he just stared at them. Delsin couldn’t take it, and he turned his head to hide in Reggie’s shoulder. 

 

“ _ That’s  _ why you didn’t tell us?,” Fetch asked. “So you fuck your brother, big fucking deal. You just let us think you were dead or- or worse!” 

 

Now it was Delsin’s turn to stare. She was mad, but not because of them…? He didn’t understand. 

  
“Big fucking deal?,” he echoed. 

 

“Delsin, dude, I’ve seen way worse,” she said, exasperated. She came closer now, kneeling in front of him and took his hand as he pulled away from Reggie. “Like, yeah, it’s kinda weird, but like Reggie said you’re not hurting anyone. What did hurt me was thinking that you were dead, or that you didn’t trust us enough to tell us.” 

 

“How could I have possibly told you this? Oh hey Fetch, I’m in love with my brother, no biggie? Seriously?” 

 

“Look, I get that. It would have been difficult and awkward but after everything… You saved me, man. Us. I thought we had like… a thing.” 

 

“We do,” he said, giving her an awkward smile. “Betty disowned us, Fetch. After that I… we… We just had to get away.” 

 

“Oh shit, Delsin, I’m sorry.” She suddenly hugged him tightly, and Delsin was just stunned. This was not the reaction he had expected, and Fetch had to smile at his expression. “Look, I don’t even pretend to understand this, and the why and how but I’m just so glad to see you’re okay. I don’t care about anything else.” 

 

“Really? You’d still be my friend?” Delsin pressed a hand to his mouth, trying to hold back his tears but ultimately failing. 

 

“Yes, oh you big doof.” She hugged him once more, so tightly he thought he was going to suffocate but in that good way that reassured him that she really meant it. “Eugene?” 

 

All three of them looked at Eugene now, who had gone crimson watching all of them. 

 

“I bet he’s thinking about you guys doing it,” Fetch said knowingly. 

  
“What! No! No I’m not I would never I mean not that it’s bad or anything I just-”

 

“I’m kidding,” she giggled at his expression, returned to her seat and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to pull him in. 

 

“I don’t mind,” Eugene whispered, giving Delsin a shy smile. 

 

The relief that washed over him was a physical sensation. To not have to go through all this again made him feel light, almost giddy. He couldn’t help but hug Reggie again, his tears this time of relief and happiness instead of fear. 

 

“Since you came all this way already,” Reggie said. “Would you like to stay over?” 

 

They did. Together they shared pizza, watched some movies and everything felt… normal again. He couldn’t believe that there was a part of his old life that he could keep, where he could be himself and didn’t have to be afraid anymore. Fetch and Eugene tracking him down had been a good thing in the end, he had friends again that understood what it was like to be a Conduit. The four of them had so much to talk about, about the things that had changed, Reggie’s newfound powers, their business, Delsin’s drawings. 

 

They ended up staying the night, and a few days after that. And when they left it was with the promise that they would stay in touch, would come visit every so often. They had their own lives to go back to, but this little slice of paradise suited them both well. 

 

“I still can’t believe that worked out,” Delsin called out from the bathroom some time after they had left. “With Fetch and Eugene I mean. So wild that they just accepted us.” 

 

There was no reply, and Delsin frowned as he finished brushing his hair. He was disappointed enough that Reggie had excused himself from doing it for him earlier. It was his favourite part of the day, when they sat down and he could just get lost in Reggie brushing his hair, petting it, and kissing his cheek every now and then. It was incredibly intimate somehow, and doing it himself just didn’t have the same relaxing effect. 

 

“Reggie?” 

 

He slowly walked out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen, where no Reggie could be found. Neither was he in the living room, and a panic settled in his stomach until he realised he had missed a small note that was sitting on the table in their kitchen. With trembling hands he opened it. 

 

_ Beach _

 

He turned it around, but that’s all it said. It was dark and a little cold now, so he grabbed a zip up hoodie and quickly put it on over his shorts before going through the back door outside. He stopped in his tracks for a moment - there were candles to the left and right of him, making a path out onto the beach. When had Reggie done all this? During the nap he had taken earlier? 

 

This was ridiculously romantic, he thought as he wandered down the path, felt the sand between his toes. But he had to smile. Reggie had his moments like this, and they were always absolutely lovely. His brother worshipped him, and his body, and Delsin couldn’t deny that he loved being treated this way, like something precious. 

 

As he walked closer to the sea itself, he was starting to see the end of the path. At which Reggie was standing under an arch covered in colourful flowers, by his side a small table with champagne in a bucket and two glasses. What on earth was going on? 

 

“Well this is cheesy,” he told Reggie as he finally met him, welcoming the hug he gave him. 

 

“Yeah, I know,” Reggie replied, looking a bit nervous. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

“Yeah I just-” He stopped himself then, took a deep breath - and went down on one knee. 

 

Delsin was so startled that he took a step back, eyes wide as he stared at his brother  _ down on one knee _ .

 

“What are you doing, Reggie?” 

 

“You know what I’m doing,” he said, and Delsin could swear that in the candlelight he saw a slight blush in his brother’s cheeks. 

 

He pulled out a small box that Delsin hadn’t realised he was holding, and opened so he could see the simple yet elegant silver band inside. It had a pattern of feathers, wrapping around the finger it would slide onto, and there was a second one, just a little bit larger inside as well. Delsin’s heart was pounding in his chest, it was absolutely beautiful and he craved this, knowing it could never really happen. 

 

“I know it won’t ever be sanctioned by the government or anything like that,” Reggie continued, looking up at Delsin who had pressed his hands to his mouth. “But it doesn’t matter to me, Delsin. What matters to me is you, your heart and your soul. I don’t know if… If I can ever be that Reggie again that you knew, but if you can accept me like this I wish to be with you for the rest of my life. Will, will you-”

 

He broke off then, tearing up and looking away from Delsin for a moment, who then fell onto his knees as well, clutching at Reggie to pull him into a hug. Reggie was still doubting, still worried Delsin expected him to be someone he wasn’t, someone he couldn’t be anymore. But Delsin loved this Reggie, the one that was right in front of him with all his heart. What was in the past didn’t matter anymore. 

 

“I will, I will, Reggie, I’m yours,” he blurted out, then pulled back to cup Reggie’s cheeks. “You are you. I don’t need anything else. I love you, you big romantic, stupid, wonderful man.” 

 

They both had to chuckle, then immediately had to go on for a kiss, both so unbelievably happy and relieved at the same time. With shaking fingers Reggie took out the ring and slipped it onto Delsin’s finger, then he did the same for his brother. This was as real as any ceremony would ever be. This was their commitment to each other, and nothing else mattered. 

  
They would have each other. Forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my [tumblr](http://vallkyrieshepard.tumblr.com) for more info


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